It happens sometimes without warning. You feel it in the pit of your stomach. That sinking feeling that won't allow you to eat. You question, is it the circumstances? Have I taken my medication correctly? Where exactly did this feeling come from? Sometimes there is a direct cause, sometimes outs just the tone of the day. You didn't mean to, you didn't want to, and you certainly didn't intend to wake up depressed.
My difficulty isn't just depression, it's the anxiety of knowing that at any moment my very person's could be the cause of my depression. When two out of three personalities are down it cripples the function of who we are as a whole. This feeling can last anywhere from a few minutes, to a few hours, to days weeks, or even months at a time. There is no estimate available on the duration of this feeling. So what do I do when the clouds set in? Lay in bed and pray that when I wake they will have passed.
At this point I have to ask, is therapy really working? I've been in therapy on and off since I was about 14 years old... maybe one or two years younger than that. That being said, I never really got much out of it in the teen years because let's face it, as a teen you really don't want to cooperate with any adult, let alone a "Shrink". I would go and talk about nothing of importance, pretending to sleep when it was my mother's turn to come in for the session with me. How this woman knew I wasn't sleeping was beyond me. I did what I was required to do and got my Doritos every time I went, so I was happy. Looking back at my first session, I can see the pattern that started even way back then. I have the hardest time finding competent therapists. Let me explain, from the moment I read an article in Teen Magazine about depression, I basically diagnosed myself. My being in therapy wasn't even the result of my mother thinking I had depression; it was bec...
Comments