It happens sometimes without warning. You feel it in the pit of your stomach. That sinking feeling that won't allow you to eat. You question, is it the circumstances? Have I taken my medication correctly? Where exactly did this feeling come from? Sometimes there is a direct cause, sometimes outs just the tone of the day. You didn't mean to, you didn't want to, and you certainly didn't intend to wake up depressed.
My difficulty isn't just depression, it's the anxiety of knowing that at any moment my very person's could be the cause of my depression. When two out of three personalities are down it cripples the function of who we are as a whole. This feeling can last anywhere from a few minutes, to a few hours, to days weeks, or even months at a time. There is no estimate available on the duration of this feeling. So what do I do when the clouds set in? Lay in bed and pray that when I wake they will have passed.
Random conversations at work tend to be the best sort of conversations. One such conversation occurred last week that has been on my mind ever since. In true ADHD fashion, I cannot tell you how this conversation came about. I can only tell you that by the conclusion of that conversation, I have been contemplating deeply on my bucket list. Two of the three of us had bucket lists, can you guess which person didn't have one? Yes, that would be me. Oddly enough, during my recent vacation to Tennessee with my best girlfriends, the mention of go-karting as something on one of their bucket lists didn't get this sort of response out of me. In fact, I thought it was cute that that was one of the things on their list. So, why was last week's conversation different? Why was that the moment I thought about what was on mine, and did I actually have one? It's taken a week to figure it all out, but this is what I came up with. First, I didn't even know what should go on my bucket ...
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