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Showing posts from October, 2015

I Am The One

In my previous post I talked about how my week had been. How depressed I was and how I was unable to pretty much do anything or be anything other than depressed. Let me take you through my day on Friday. I woke up Friday morning and again the world was just nothing but gloom and doom for me. It took everything I had in me to get the kids out the door and off to school without bursting into tears. On my way to work I just couldn't stop crying. Still there was no known reason to my tears, but the heart inside my chest was just broken. Even with the good news I'd gotten the day before I could do nothing but cry. I walked into work I don't even know if anyone even noticed the tears in my eyes. I just tried keeping my head down and not talking to anyone. Time seemed to drag on as I waited to escape to my car for my first break. I almost cried on my first two calls. There was no life in my voice at all. I found myself bowing my head and praying "Jesus I need you, just help …

The invisible storm

It started last Thursday. I was just angry for no reason. I thought it was just the onset of mother nature. Surely I could shake the anger and move on.  Then it was like I woke up one morning wanting to cry and I haven't stopped having that feeling ever since. It's really bad right now. The worst its been in years. In fact the last time I remember feeling this hopeless was when I first moved to Lexington at the age of 16. I tried to be happy to fit in and nothing was working. Then I got an upper respiratory infection and a teacher took such pity on me that she basically passed me in health class. Partly because it was already my third time taking a health class, heck as well as my third year of high school and I was only in the 10th grade. This isn't a feeling I would wish on my worst enemy. It's like my heart breaks every morning. The thing about it is, I woke up this morning well rested and in a really good mood and for about 30 minutes I thought that this bout of dep…

I QUIT!!!!!!!!!

It's been awhile since I've blogged. In a way I guess I forgot why it was that I started doing this. It started as a way to get things off of my chest and out in the open and then it quickly became how many views can I get  how many likes. 
The strange thing is, at the beginning of the summer I felt more like I was becoming the true me than I had ever felt. And for the most part that was completely true. I struggled with being single and went back and forth on if I wanted to be single or not. I fell for someone that would never return those feelings back to me. I do have some resentment there not because the feelings weren't returned, but because the friendship kind of died not long after my admission. It showed me that everyone that wants the privilege of being called friend and seeing you cry is not worthy of such. I also spent some time hanging on to a past relationship. Letting love go is hard for me has always been that way. This one was very hard, even harder because …