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Showing posts from July, 2015

Not Enough Time

My dear future husband,
I've been thinking lately. You know I haven't written anything to you in awhile. I think it was because writing you made me over eager to meet you. When you love someone before even meeting them it makes you anxious to meet them. It even makes you anxious to the point where you try to find that person in every guy you meet. I know for a fact that when I meet you I will just know who you are. There will be no guessing, no hope, it will just be you. I've been a little down lately. Not on everything just some things from my past. A particular person. I'm attached to them and I care about them and I would like to be completely over them with his and mines friendship still in tact. I don't know if that is possible. I pray that it is. I hope you to know that I don't think of you any less than I have previously. You are on my mind often; I pray for you. I know that God has created you perfectly for me, and I for you. I must admit it makes me ne…

Illusion

What you see is an illusion
Something you think is real
You can guess
You can speculate
You can only guess how I truly feel
You may catch a glimpse
I will always throw doubt
But I'm always straight forward
If you can figure me out
Within every lie
Something may actually be true
All of it is
All doesn't pertain to you
I tell stories you see
Past present future intertwined
I cannot let you see
What is in this heart of mine
But if you know
If you can tell I'm talking to you
Maybe this illusion
Is actually true.

Temptation

TemptationHis smile
His drive
His ambition
So...AttractiveOne glance
One touch
My body
So... Reactive.How long
Have we know each other now
Years...
I'm sure
Still I don't know howIt's there
You can see it
You almost feel in the way
Because
Inbetween the cause
Our eyes will playTag Your turn to glance at me
My turn to blush
Bite your lip for meIt's good to see you
Good to see you too
Keep in touch
I will
Then the moment fades
Until the next cause
Or chance encounter
Is made.

My Sex Be Like... ;-)

I am hardly ever speaking directly to someone when I post. In fact most of the time I am actually speaking to myself more than I am speaking to anyone... with that being said. I'm still on sexual purity. No one wants to hear about that. No one wants to hear about abstinence, everyone wants to hear about how good God is and ride the coattails of his many blessings. 
Song Of Solomon 8:4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. This verse is straight forward and to the point there is nothing that needs to be said with this one. There is a time and place for everything. To awake Love to arouse Love before completely understanding exactly what it is to love without understanding the desires of Love causes heartbreak.  1 Corinthians 6:13b The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. Society is fooling everyone into thinking that casual sex is without consequence. That it is something that is just for u…

SEX and the SINGLE

I just wanted to hear those words. I figured after all that time he would know that I was ready that I was just waiting to be asked. The sad reality is that he didn't even know if he wanted the same things as I did. When we date a man it has but one goal, and we think to ourselves if we just get this right if we just last long enough sure enough he will ask, we will accept, and once those wedding bells sound we will be in marital bliss. 
The pain of trying to get there is exponential. Each time we try, it takes a little more out of us. We care just a little more and a little less all at the same time. I couldn't even begin to explain the pain I felt over one of my exes we'll call him Lage. That man didn't break my heart, he broke me. I was broken, I lost myself because of what I allowed from him. I saw it clearly and still I fell because he loved me, he said he loved me, he meant he loved me, but did he really? In some strange twisted way I believe that he did love me, …