Skip to main content


Showing posts from December, 2017

New Year Better Me

Every New Year everyone vows to make some sort of change in their lives. Whether it is getting in shape, getting financially stable, being a better person, the list can go on and on.  I was sitting here thinking about what it is that I want to see happen for myself in 2018. I always want to lose weight, so that is not something I want to put on my list of things to do this year coming up. Getting financially stable is something that everyone should strive for every single day of their life. Not just something one says they will do the first of the year. The last year and a half of my life has been a difficult one. My mental health issues have plagued me tirelessly. I have lost and quit quite a few jobs in that time frame. I have also spent more time than I would have liked in therapy trying to get over the many issues I have endured throughout this year. I guess before I go on to list all of the things that I want for 2018, I should list all of the things that I have learned in 2017

Stop Telling Me To Exercise!

We've all seen the meme above and others like it. Even therapist and psychiatrist suggest that you exercise to combat depression... I say, f*ck you and your exercise! One of the most annoying and counterproductive things you can tell a depressed person is to exercise.  I mean... Right? I'm not saying it doesn't work in general, what I am saying is that when you are clinically depressed it's generally not an option. Some days you feel accomplished moving from your bedroom to the living room couch. Sure you're still laying down but at least you are out of bed.  Clinical depression makes even the simplest of tasks difficult. Some days, if we aren't emotional eaters it takes all we have just to fix ourselves a sandwich just so we don't die (which ironically is sometimes all we think about in that state). We would all love to be able to get up get out and just exercise our problems away. Truth is the motivation just isn't there. Personally, I hav

Narcoleptic Nick(i)?

Psychology Today states " Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder that disrupts the normal sleep-wake cycle. It is a chronic neurological condition in which a person experiences uncontrollable sleepiness, falling asleep, or napping throughout most days. Although this excessive sleepiness usually occurs on a daily basis, it must occur at least three times a week for at least three months to warrant a diagnosis of narcolepsy." Over the past almost two years, I have been ridden with daytime sleepiness. It became noticeable in February 2016. I worked at a call center at the time and although I am a morning person and could usually live on 5 hours of sleep, I began to notice that 5 hours was no longer enough. I chalked it up to me getting older and just needing more sleep, after all, I was about to be 32 body changes happen in your thirties right? The problem was, even if I got more sleep at night I never felt rested. I'd soon begin to fall asleep at my desk between calls nodding of

Just(in) Grief

I was trying to figure out what the title of this entry was going to be. I'm not even sure what the content is going to be. I went to bed last night with him heavy on my mind and awoke this morning to thoughts of him. You see Justin was my friend for almost 13 years. He was my love interest for that long. We met through myspace. Honestly, I thought he was older than what he was so his talking to me felt a little creepy at first and then I realized that we were both the same age. Our first fall out was my very first facebook drama. It said he was in a relationship and we got into it over it. Needless to say, we didn't date after that. We still talked and were still very much attracted to each other. Over the years we would become the best of friends. Talking on the phone spending time together. My favorite memory is watching family guy on the phone together until he fell asleep. I'd lay there and listen to him snore on the phone until I fell asleep as well. If cell phones