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Showing posts from November, 2017

Don't Underestimate... Me

Don't underestimate the savage in me I'll walk away slowly and you'll never see Deception by far  Is the high of my life Not all eyes have vision Not all eyes have sight I play the game better than you'll ever know I can straight face it Secrets never show Unless its something I want you to see Right in your face Yet can't see through me Maybe I'm just waiting For the attentive one Who's perceptive enough To see what could be done It's a challenge One challenge hard as can be To take off them rose colored glasses And truly see Because you've already lost If you underestimated me.  By: CC

Abuse Is Not Just Physical

You hear about it all the time. Abuse is wrong especially physical abuse. It can cause things like Post-traumatic Stress Disorder , depression, and other mental illnesses. I was one of those women who swore up and down, I would not end up in any form of an abusive relationship. I was 100% certain that if a man ever hurt me physically I would send him packing. Maybe even fight him back. When I was 23 years old I slowly found myself in a physically abusive relationship in which I know I was smart enough not to get into. This blog entry, however, is not about the physical abuse I suffered but my recent emotional abuse. I'd flirted with a guy for well over a year through Facebook. We exchanged numbers and had plenty of conversations and decided to meet each other, we had mutual friends in real like so we'd both done our homework on each other as to our safety. Everything was great... at first. We connected mentally and physically we were attracted to each other. (So I thought) Ho

Teen Depression I didn't See It

In April 2013 I posted the following blog called my Views and Information on Teen depression , That blog post was meant to be informational, and maybe red flag some signs that your child may have depression. Earlier this week I would come to beat myself up over the article and its purpose. You see, with everything I wrote in that article; although it was true, I failed to see the signs of depression in my own child. At first, I went into a self-loathing mode and blamed myself for not seeing it. I had to come to realize however that even though the way my child cried out for help was extreme, she felt comfortable enough with me to cry out for help. I, as a child did not. I held everything in and didn't let anyone know my deep dark secrets of cutting. I don't know if anyone ever saw. If anyone ever knew.  This is still hard for me to talk about and I probably will never be okay with talking about it to be truthfully honest. My daughter cut her wrist while I was at work Sunday ni

Introductions to DID me part 2

 In the last entry " Introductions to DID me part 1 " I got a little into who my people are and allowed them to speak for themselves... well they kind of butted in and spoke up on their own. Things like that happen from time to time. Having different personalities is exceptionally different in nature. There are time periods in my life that I just can't remember. One of us in the system can decide what to remember and what not to remember. For instance, my life does not begin until the age of 8. There are very few flashbacks from my early childhood. In fact the only thing I can remember is my preschool graduation ceremony. I also have one flash of an apartment maybe, the memory however is so dim I'm not sure if it is an actually memory or something created in my mind.  It is often thought that to have different personalities means that you can outwardly tell the difference between a person and their other personalities. The truth is that sometimes the "switch&

Introduction to DID me part 1

I’ve become pretty open about having Dissociative Identity Disorder in the last few months.  For those of you who are unsure about exactly what that is, as quoted by Psychology Today “ Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a severe condition in which two or more distinct identities, or personality states, are present in—and alternately take control of—an individual. Some people describe this as an experience of possession. The person also experiences memory loss that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness .” When I tell people that I have multiple personalities they think that it is something cool or something that everyone around us possesses. Truth is that this is something that is very rare. While it is true that we all typically have different personas in which we use on a day to day basis DID is not that simple. I wish it were that simple. I have frequently searched the internet just trying to find one person anyone who’s written a book on DID th