Skip to main content

Teen Depression I didn't See It

In April 2013 I posted the following blog called my Views and Information on Teen depression, That blog post was meant to be informational, and maybe red flag some signs that your child may have depression. Earlier this week I would come to beat myself up over the article and its purpose. You see, with everything I wrote in that article; although it was true, I failed to see the signs of depression in my own child. At first, I went into a self-loathing mode and blamed myself for not seeing it. I had to come to realize however that even though the way my child cried out for help was extreme, she felt comfortable enough with me to cry out for help. I, as a child did not. I held everything in and didn't let anyone know my deep dark secrets of cutting. I don't know if anyone ever saw. If anyone ever knew. 
This is still hard for me to talk about and I probably will never be okay with talking about it to be truthfully honest. My daughter cut her wrist while I was at work Sunday night and texted me a video of her doing it. The scary thing is that she had no recollection of actually doing any of that. That worries me just for the fact I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and all of my actions cannot always be accounted for. In fact, there have been a couple of times in which I have woken up with marks on my arms that look like cuts. In some way, she may be showing signs of the condition herself. I digress, My daughter spent two days inpatient at a mental health facility. I hesitated at sending her there the week before, ignoring the red flags in my mind saying that she needed more help than I could give. In contrast to my beliefs, I didn't do everything exactly right and I didn't do anything exactly wrong. My daughter has a long road ahead as do I. I, myself being a former cutter know the day in and day out struggle of trying not to cut, of trying to bring feelings to the surface instead of burying them.

I'm uncertain of the path ahead for both my daughter and I but I know that we will tackle this world together. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Get Ready

I was walking at work one day when I heard a small still voice say "get ready". It stopped me in my tracks because there was no one else around other than myself. Get ready? Get ready for what? "Get ready". In my heart, I knew what it meant but I was and somewhat am not so much reluctant but anxious about what was ahead of me. 

Me Too Transparency

I want to be able to say that I've never been out and out raped, but at the end of the day no means no and I said it; I said no. It's moments like those that live in your mind and don't go away. You keep replaying them until you've

Holes In The Wall

I wish this were my wall. I want so badly to just punch and punch and punch until every emotion, every hurt is gone from my body. The realization that today a year ago was the last time I spoke to Justin has set in and I haven't been able to stop crying. There is no bad to remember. Only good, and the more I focus on remembering the good and trying to find peace within it the more pain I feel. I've come full circle with my grief and I'm stuck at anger. I want to understand. I want to know why. I need to know why, and the answer is just not there. Why can't I just grieve on the one day? The day he died? Why must I cry now?

I'm so guilt-ridden for all the things I didn't do when I had the chance. I'm guilt-ridden for loving so soon after his death. I feel like there should have been a time period in which I... I don't even know. At this point, I feel like pushing everyone away. Staying to myself and not letting anyone in. Not just temporarily but permanent…