In April 2013 I posted the following blog called my Views and Information on Teen depression, That blog post was meant to be informational, and maybe red flag some signs that your child may have depression. Earlier this week I would come to beat myself up over the article and its purpose. You see, with everything I wrote in that article; although it was true, I failed to see the signs of depression in my own child. At first, I went into a self-loathing mode and blamed myself for not seeing it. I had to come to realize however that even though the way my child cried out for help was extreme, she felt comfortable enough with me to cry out for help. I, as a child did not. I held everything in and didn't let anyone know my deep dark secrets of cutting. I don't know if anyone ever saw. If anyone ever knew.
This is still hard for me to talk about and I probably will never be okay with talking about it to be truthfully honest. My daughter cut her wrist while I was at work Sunday night and texted me a video of her doing it. The scary thing is that she had no recollection of actually doing any of that. That worries me just for the fact I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and all of my actions cannot always be accounted for. In fact, there have been a couple of times in which I have woken up with marks on my arms that look like cuts. In some way, she may be showing signs of the condition herself. I digress, My daughter spent two days inpatient at a mental health facility. I hesitated at sending her there the week before, ignoring the red flags in my mind saying that she needed more help than I could give. In contrast to my beliefs, I didn't do everything exactly right and I didn't do anything exactly wrong. My daughter has a long road ahead as do I. I, myself being a former cutter know the day in and day out struggle of trying not to cut, of trying to bring feelings to the surface instead of burying them.
I'm uncertain of the path ahead for both my daughter and I but I know that we will tackle this world together.
This is still hard for me to talk about and I probably will never be okay with talking about it to be truthfully honest. My daughter cut her wrist while I was at work Sunday night and texted me a video of her doing it. The scary thing is that she had no recollection of actually doing any of that. That worries me just for the fact I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and all of my actions cannot always be accounted for. In fact, there have been a couple of times in which I have woken up with marks on my arms that look like cuts. In some way, she may be showing signs of the condition herself. I digress, My daughter spent two days inpatient at a mental health facility. I hesitated at sending her there the week before, ignoring the red flags in my mind saying that she needed more help than I could give. In contrast to my beliefs, I didn't do everything exactly right and I didn't do anything exactly wrong. My daughter has a long road ahead as do I. I, myself being a former cutter know the day in and day out struggle of trying not to cut, of trying to bring feelings to the surface instead of burying them.
I'm uncertain of the path ahead for both my daughter and I but I know that we will tackle this world together.
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