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Showing posts from October, 2017

Watch Me

Tick tick tick
Watch me go
Tick tick tick
When will I blow?
Tick tick tick
Do you see me bleed?
Tick tick tick
Can you guess the speed
Tick tick tick
Of self destruction
Tick tick tick
Demolition not production
Tick tick tick
Ready to try
Tick tick tick
When will I die
Tick tick tick
No timer set
Tick tick tick
Haven't self destructed yet
Tick tick tick
No one will see
Tick tick
The end of me.

What To Eat

The food looks so good
My stomach agrees
But from stomach to brain to mouth
Something stops me
Pig out pig out
My brain taunts
So I fix a full course meal...
That I don't even want.
Eat must eat
Gotta eat to survive
Maybe just enough that it should keep me alive
So hungry I must eat
It's not like it's on purpose
There's something wrong with me.


I'm suffocatingI'm spinningLosing my stepTrying not to fallBecause last night I weptNo I didn't that's a lieMy tears won't fallMy face is dryNo matter what I doNo matter the circumstanceSpinning spinningMight as well danceDance to feel aliveDance to feel awakeDance to hide the tremblingOf a world that continues to shakeI'm trying to drown out the sirensAfraid they will come for meLocking me in an institutionNot higher learningThough I wish I could beTactile hallucinationsTrembling without fearThe sirens are getting closerPlease don't come hereI have children to care for I can't fall apartBecause as bad I am nowWith my daughter it's just the start.

Broken thoughts

No intimacy
No evidence of the scars that I bare
No intimacy
I don't see that you care
I'm spiraling
Spiraling downward in pain
Clouds hanging over me
But it never does rain
The pain
It runs
Runs crimson as can be
With the knowledge
That you're oblivious
To the harm that may be
And I laugh and I cry
Wishing hoping I'd die
Still I'm reaching
Yeah I'm reaching
For someone to even try
Try to convince me
Try to convince me
That living is all worth it
As I look at these scars
I know
I know I don't mean shit
I want to cry
Tell me why
The tears won't seem to fall
I want to stop this
Need to stop this
Yet I can't get through it all
A sigh
Yeah a sigh
As I lie here needing to sleep
But I'm wanting
Needing really
Just to cut a little more deep
This pain
This pain yeah it really stings
Yet I'll wake up tomorrow
Who knows what life will bring.

Oops I did it again

It feels as good as the first time in years
So much better than the tears
A high like no other
Until I come down
Then it will be time
For the next go round
So damn high
But unable
Unable to die
Am I spiraling
Yeah I guess
But this feels good
I digress
Feeling euphoric in my drunken state
Releasing the junk
That's on my plate
It's placating
Placating until they see
The demons
The darkness inside of me.

Euphoric Stripes

A tiger and her stripes
Are they greater than her roar?
These stripes
This feeling
Needing more
A transference of pain
Temporary as it may be
I find  euphorically addicting
Better than sadness you see
As the blood slowly clots
I find I am able to breathe
Stripes so soothing
And relaxing to me
Three times
A large drop
Watching the blood
Slowly begin to clot
Just how
Can I extend the pain?
To keep from this depression
And feelings of disdain.