A Tiger and Her Stripes

Tick tick tick Watch me go Tick tick tick When will I blow? Tick tick tick Do you see me bleed? Tick tick tick Can you guess the speed Tick tick tick Of self destruction Tick tick tick Demolition not production Tick tick tick Ready to try Tick tick tick When will I die Tick tick tick No timer set Tick tick tick Haven't self destructed yet Tick tick tick No one will see Tick tick Boom The end of me.

The food looks so good My stomach agrees But from stomach to brain to mouth Something stops me Pig out pig out My brain taunts So I fix a full course meal... That I don't even want. Eat must eat Gotta eat to survive Maybe just enough that it should keep me alive Ravishing Ravishing So hungry I must eat It's not like it's on purpose There's something wrong with me.

I'm suffocating I'm spinning Losing my step Trying not to fall Because last night I wept No I didn't that's a lie My tears won't fall My face is dry No matter what I do No matter the circumstance Spinning spinning Might as well dance Dance to feel alive Dance to feel awake Dance to hide the trembling Of a world that continues to shake I'm trying to drown out the sirens Afraid they will come for me Locking me in an institution Not higher learning Though I wish I could be Tactile hallucinations Trembling without fear The sirens are getting closer Please don't come here I have children to care for I can't fall apart Because as bad I am now With my daughter it's just the start.

No intimacy Means No evidence of the scars that I bare No intimacy Means I don't see that you care I'm spiraling Spiraling downward in pain Clouds hanging over me But it never does rain The pain It runs Runs crimson as can be With the knowledge That you're oblivious To the harm that may be And I laugh and I cry Wishing hoping I'd die Still I'm reaching Yeah I'm reaching For someone to even try Try to convince me Try to convince me That living is all worth it As I look at these scars I know I know I don't mean shit I want to cry Tell me why The tears won't seem to fall I want to stop this Need to stop this Yet I can't get through it all A sigh Yeah a sigh As I lie here needing to sleep But I'm wanting Needing really Just to cut a little more deep This pain This pain yeah it really stings Yet I'll wake up tomorrow Who knows what life will bring.

It feels as good as the first time in years So much better than the tears A high like no other Until I come down Then it will be time For the next go round Euphoria Euphoria So damn high Wanting But unable Unable to die Am I spiraling Yeah I guess But this feels good I digress Feeling euphoric in my drunken state Releasing the junk That's on my plate It's placating Placating until they see The demons The darkness inside of me.

A tiger and her stripes Are they greater than her roar? These stripes This feeling Wanting Needing more A transference of pain Temporary as it may be I find  euphorically addicting Better than sadness you see As the blood slowly clots I find I am able to breathe Stripes so soothing And relaxing to me One Two Three times A large drop Watching the blood Slowly begin to clot How Just how Can I extend the pain? To keep from this depression And feelings of disdain.