A Tiger and Her Stripes

I was in the middle of watching a sermon on Youtube this morning when I kept getting this nagging thought about my calling. It's not an unfamiliar thought, just one that was so persistent I couldn't even finish the sermon. I have therefore spent the past 2 hours now trying to find scripture and stories in the Bible that align with what is perplexing me at the moment. The subject of the morning is purpose.  One of the most exciting moments in my life was last year when I got the call for a job I'd forgotten I had even applied for. Even in the interview, there was never a doubt in my mind that I wouldn't get the job, and I am happy to say that it's 8 months later and I am still here. What is this job that I am talking about? The official title for my job is "youth worker" the unofficial reality is juvenile corrections worker. I've always wanted to do something with social work, psychology, or anything with adolescents. I have always wanted to reach if I

This is more or less an impulsive post. After many years, for the first time, I decided to watch Good Will Hunting. Of course, I'd seen it referenced in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, but I'd never once actually seen the movie. I was quite shocked to see that Robin Williams was in this movie. Although the movie was an award-winning drama and was meant to play at your emotions, the entire time I couldn't help but feel saddened by the absence of Robin Williams in real life. 

I was born and raised in Youngstown, Ohio. I was and have always been different, I never really fit in anywhere until my circle of friends in high school. I didn’t cuss until I was in the 6th grade in an attempt to fit in and I wish I’d never started. Even after I started cussing according to those around me I still “Sounded white”. I thought 6th grade was difficult because I really didn’t fit in but 7th and 8th grade would turn out to be pure hell. I was constantly bullied and suffering from depression which didn’t make the situation any better. By the end of 8th grade going into my first 9th-grade year (I did 9th grade twice) I’d decided to get rid of the old soft-spoken me and create a new persona, this would be the beginning of my DID, only I didn’t know that at the time. I remember at some point during the days of my new persona a girl I’d known from middle school actually asked what happened to me, she said I used to be nice and that “now I was just ghetto” which at the tim

July 6th, 2017 I got a screenshot that sunk my entire ship so to speak. It was supposed to be a good day. I was talking to a friend and having a good time. It was my sister's birthday, it wasn't supposed to have gone the way it went. I remember I was devastated. I'd essentially lost the love of my life with whom I wasn't even with at the time. Sure I was at that time in a relationship but it didn't hurt any less nor did it change how I felt about him. I grieved for months and that put a strain on my already failing relationship, and when it ended I did something I should never have done...

It's 5:30am and I am currently completing school work. For those of you who don't know, I am currently seeking my degree in Psychology with a concentration in mental health. For the past two terms, I have been fairing well in my studies and was and am very proud of myself, but I've run into some issues along the way. 

When someone says that they have OCD it is often associated with repetition, the need to have things a certain way, or excessive cleaning. Well, I have OCD. I was quite shocked when I got the diagnosis because I didn't exhibit any of those thraits listed. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The ironic thing about those symptoms is that it can actually be an outward manifestation of anxiety, but that is something completely different from this entry. This entry is focusing on my OCD the type of OCD that is not often talked about, one that most people are afraid to even talk about with their therapist. What kind of OCD do I have? I have obsessive cumplusive instrusive thoughts. I'm not 100% versed on the type of thoughts "normal" people have, since its said that at some point in our lives everyone has intrusive thoughts. I can only speak for the thoughts that run through my head.  My intrusive thoughts manifest as thoughts of what if tragedies, a fear of hurting m