A Tiger and Her Stripes

I was born and raised in Youngstown, Ohio. I was and have always been different, I never really fit in anywhere until my circle of friends in high school. I didn’t cuss until I was in the 6th grade in an attempt to fit in and I wish I’d never started. Even after I started cussing according to those around me I still “Sounded white”. I thought 6th grade was difficult because I really didn’t fit in but 7th and 8th grade would turn out to be pure hell. I was constantly bullied and suffering from depression which didn’t make the situation any better. By the end of 8th grade going into my first 9th-grade year (I did 9th grade twice) I’d decided to get rid of the old soft-spoken me and create a new persona, this would be the beginning of my DID, only I didn’t know that at the time. I remember at some point during the days of my new persona a girl I’d known from middle school actually asked what happened to me, she said I used to be nice and that “now I was just ghetto” which at the time I c…

July 6th, 2017 I got a screenshot that sunk my entire ship so to speak. It was supposed to be a good day. I was talking to a friend and having a good time. It was my sister's birthday, it wasn't supposed to have gone the way it went. I remember I was devastated. I'd essentially lost the love of my life with whom I wasn't even with at the time. Sure I was at that time in a relationship but it didn't hurt any less nor did it change how I felt about him. I grieved for months and that put a strain on my already failing relationship, and when it ended I did something I should never have done...

It's 5:30am and I am currently completing school work. For those of you who don't know, I am currently seeking my degree in Psychology with a concentration in mental health. For the past two terms, I have been fairing well in my studies and was and am very proud of myself, but I've run into some issues along the way. 

When someone says that they have OCD it is often associated with repetition, the need to have things a certain way, or excessive cleaning. Well, I have OCD. I was quite shocked when I got the diagnosis because I didn't exhibit any of those thraits listed. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The ironic thing about those symptoms is that it can actually be an outward manifestation of anxiety, but that is something completely different from this entry. This entry is focusing on my OCD the type of OCD that is not often talked about, one that most people are afraid to even talk about with their therapist. What kind of OCD do I have? I have obsessive cumplusive instrusive thoughts. I'm not 100% versed on the type of thoughts "normal" people have, since its said that at some point in our lives everyone has intrusive thoughts. I can only speak for the thoughts that run through my head. 

My intrusive thoughts manifest as thoughts of what if tragedies, a fear of hurting my love…

The very first Christian author I can remember reading is Kimberla Lawson Roby. Even moreso amazing than finding her books is that I can remember exactly what happened. The book was called "Be Careful What You Pray For". I picked it up read the synopsis and decided to buy it. I knew I was starting late in the series but it was still an easy to follow read. Ever since that moment she has been who I looked up to for urban Christian fiction. I am too far behind her releases to catch up at this time but it doesn't change what her books mean to me. Why am I telling you all of this? Well as you may or may not know; I am a Christian Fiction Author!
My First published work sadly was not Christian fiction and to be truthfully honest I hate it and regret ever publishing it or selling it. However, Genevieve Lost is my baby, my pride and joy. I prayed to God for this book, about this book, and allowed him to lead me through the writing of this book. At the time I still wanted to do u…

Have you ever felt hunger in the pit of your stomach? You haven't eaten all day and you find yourself ravished? I had that feeling a few days ago and even now as I write this. I couldn't figure it out because I ate that day (a couple of times yay me!) but the hunger was still there. Today however I am choosing not to eat by choice. That's a completely different topic for another day.