A Tiger and Her Stripes

I started this when it happened and haven't been able to write anything on it. I'm working this kind of backwards posting these that is.  Lets see where do I begin? Zabasearch was getting me nowhere and neither were any of the other sites that I was signed up for. I had often googled myself to see if I would come up and I didn't but figured hey maybe if I googled Lena Henderson it might work. Hey it could happen. I felt that even if I didn't find the one I was looking for maybe a Henderson would know a Henderson who knew a Henderson could pass on the information to a Henderson that might know. (Glad I found out my last name when I was young I refused to date anyone with any relations to Henderson's that would be so gross and weird if later we ended up related can we say awkward?) Anywho, I googled Lena Henderson and P.A. and found myself with a white woman... that was kind of odd so I didn't even bother to email her but then I found a lawyer named Lena Henders...

I found my mother and brother 23 days ago and the first week was chaotic. Calls from family emails  it's all been a bit overwhelming. Somehow it still doesn't feel real. I guess mainly because I haven't been able to go and visit them and vise versa. I have seen plenty of pictures and even found an Aunt not too far from where I now live, she at least in the same state as I am in, I don't know however what to say to her or to anyone for that matter. It's like I know they want to know all about my life and what it was like growing up and I want to tell them but I feel as if it is something I should tell them in person as I'm sure they want to tell me everything in person. Its funny I never really could figure out who it was that my son looked like and now that I've seen my brother I can see that he looks like my family. Beady little eyes and all. LoL I always looked in the mirror growing up and wondered who it was that I looked like if I looked like my father o...

I'm tired I'm broken Sick to my core Why oh why Did this happen once more Confined scared Alone with you in a room Another piece broken Hiding another scar This can't be all there is All they are Tears on the floor Who will clean them up Invisible to the naked eye A constant reminder All I can ask is why Why does this keep happening What am I doing wrong First I've had someone for me Hadn't Let myself be open in so long To have this happen how do I heal Close my eyes and pretend it was never real.

I want to start this by saying I am not by far a professional, I do not have a degree in psychology nor am I studying it. However the words I am about to express to you is something I know all too much about. There is a condition in this world that is often times ignored by parents and blown off as a normal part of being a teenager. Most teenagers won’t talk to any adult about it especially their parents. Let me ask you if your teen, or preteen, came to you and said I am depressed what would your reaction be? The first one that comes to mind in most parents head is probably what they have always heard growing up, “what do you have to be depressed about?”; how many people would actually know that a child at any age can be depressed? I hope that you (the person reading this) will come to understand just what depression is and what to look for. Depression often starts with low self-esteem; not always, but often.  In the 90’s I could say that it starts at about 6 th grade, yes...

I was sitting here looking up information online trying to find more information that would help find my mother. I have been searching facebook tirelessly for hours now cross referencing people she may have been associated with; and honestly the hardest thing about that is that as I was sitting here looking at photos of some of these people I was a little r... maybe repulsed isn't the word I'm looking for, but put off. You see in looking for my mother I have come across well rounded people as well as hoodrats and thugs. I would like to think that my mother is a well rounded good looking woman of  but the truth of the matter is that she may very well not be. One has to stop and think of how that would make you feel is you spent your entire time looking for well rounded people only to find out that the person you are actually looking for may actually be a criminal or hoodrat or thug. You can't pick and choose who your parents are that is the very thing you can only choose abo...

Today I have decided to do what I've seen someone else do on facebook and make a sign with some of the information that I have on my birth mother. The first sign I made actually did not have the correct information on it in regards to my email address that I created just for this purpose, so I had to redo the photo. I've shared it on facebook, twitter, and instagram I'm actually thinking about sharing it on myspace. it may be dead space but it is still a part of the internet and some people actually still use myspace believe it or not. I feel so helpless now as I can only wait and see if anyone comes up with any information. I know that I will be checking every five seconds to see if my other email has received any emails. Although I know that that is torture to check it often I know that as the day progresses all I will be able to do is check to see how many shares my photo has gotten on facebook (2 so far) and see if there are any emails. I know that once this goes viral ...

Today I went to the Youngstown library to search through the archives... let me start from the beginning. Yesterday Shaun and I went to children services to see if I could either get information or sign so that my birth mother could find me. It was disappointed to hear the woman say that neither of those things could be done. I didn't cry, however, my determination to leave Youngstown with at least some foundational search information only intensified. Today I searched newspaper archives and found one baby girl born to a Lena Henderson at St. Elizabeth's hospital. Using www.zabasearche.com I searched both Ohio and Pennsylvania and found 6 Lena Henderson's. One whom was still listed in Youngstown and the only number still connected out of the six numbers I tried calling. Unable to leave a message We decided that because it was just around the corner from where I was staying we decided to visit. Getting out of the the u-haul we walked up to the door and rang the bell. I wa...