Is therapy REALLY working?

At this point I have to ask, is therapy really working? 

 I've been in therapy on and off since I was about 14 years old... maybe one or two years younger than that. That being said, I never really got much out of it in the teen years because let's face it, as a teen you really don't want to cooperate with any adult, let alone a "Shrink". I would go and talk about nothing of importance, pretending to sleep when it was my mother's turn to come in for the session with me. How this woman knew I wasn't sleeping was beyond me. I did what I was required to do and got my Doritos every time I went, so I was happy. Looking back at my first session, I can see the pattern that started even way back then.

I have the hardest time finding competent therapists. Let me explain, from the moment I read an article in Teen Magazine about depression, I basically diagnosed myself. My being in therapy wasn't even the result of my mother thinking I had depression; it was because she had me take a survey on ADHD, and I hit on everything in the survey. So when I got to the appointment and the therapist asked me what I wanted to work on. I told her I had depression, how I came to such a conclusion, and that was that. Honestly, my brain was like Okay, now you know my issue, so fix it, but it was never fixed. I'm 13-14 years old, so my brain isn't capable of telling me, "Hey, this isn't something that could be fixed in a single session." No matter how my brain developed over the years to eventually learn this, I still had one fatal flaw... Psychology became my obsession, or hyperfocus. In true ADHD fashion, the internet gave me resources galore on all things mental health. Whereas I may not have my degree, because I can't seem to finish school, I am very well-versed in most things mental health. I am what someone would say is too self-aware. Especially when it comes to MY mental health. 

I am stubborn, so therapy for me needs to be direct; I cannot be allowed to steer the session in my favor. Any therapist I can gaslight is one that I don't need. Which means I have gone through my fair share of them in my lifetime. Back in 2021-2022, I found a therapist who would not let me skate over my alcohol use. Held me so accountable about it. I ran out of money to continue seeing her. Thanks, American Healthcare System. Also, I wanted a place where I could do medication management as well as therapy, so I found somewhere else about a year ago. Medication mangement is great, I love the guy who does my meds, he doesn't take any shit, knows what he's doing. So, I keep him. I tried one of their therapist and she was horrible. I knew more about her life in the 2 months that she saw me than she did about mine. In fact, in the time I was seeing her, I could tell, one, she was young and inexperienced. Two, the age gap between her and the ex-fiancé, turned fiancé, turned ex-fiancé, turned fiancé again, that he was using her, especially after he "lost" his job and moved in with her from another state. I tried to take what I could from our sessions that I knew were good insight, but I just couldn't take her seriously. Eventually, I would go back to the therapist from 2021-2022, who held me to the standard I actually want for myself. 

So, here I am in therapy again. Seemingly reliving some things I went through in the past. In our first session, I was like WoW, I'm validated in how I feel. That makes me feel good, and I walk away from the session like, Hell yeah! That was four weeks ago, and today's session left me confused. As I previously stated, I'm very self-aware, I honestly cannot fathom that I have actually done things, semi-correctly in my life, let alone correctly. All the foreshadowing, all my predictions, and adjustments were correct, so I have once again been validated by the therapist I know would never allow me to gaslight her, nor myself, for that matter. I honestly don't know how to take it.

Something she said has me thinking. I expressed that I don't understand why it is that I give, and give, and give, not expecting anything back, yet feeling resentment if I don't receive. She said it was because I was giving and giving, but in the end, I was empty. It made me think of the saying that you cannot pour from an empty cup. I literally pour into other people's cups while mine steadily depletes. My friends won't agree that I am too nice, because they know me too well. Yet, I really am kind-hearted, understanding, and enabling at my core. So why is this titled "Is therapy REALLY working?" It's because I'm so used to NOT being validated. So used to blaming myself, that when I'm actually being validated? I question everything.

Is it really okay to feel how I feel? Or have I tricked my therapist into thinking I'm not the problem? At this point, is therapy really working?