In the last entry "Introductions to DID me part 1" I got a little into who my people are and allowed them to speak for themselves... well they kind of butted in and spoke up on their own. Things like that happen from time to time. Having different personalities is exceptionally different in nature. There are time periods in my life that I just can't remember. One of us in the system can decide what to remember and what not to remember.
For instance, my life does not begin until the age of 8. There are very few flashbacks from my early childhood. In fact the only thing I can remember is my preschool graduation ceremony. I also have one flash of an apartment maybe, the memory however is so dim I'm not sure if it is an actually memory or something created in my mind.
It is often thought that to have different personalities means that you can outwardly tell the difference between a person and their other personalities. The truth is that sometimes the "switch" is so subtle someone would really have to know you in order to notice the change.
Memory is one of the biggest things that can be affected by DID. When one or more in the system decides that a memory is either too painful or is something that just doesn't need to be known to the host personality, that individual has the ability to block the memory. for example, I don't remember anything from when I was 28. I couldn't off the top of my head tell you what year it was nor the major life events from that time. Most psychotherapist would suggest that some sort of trauma happened during that time period and that is the systems way of shielding itself from the memory of it. As I struggle to remember all the events of that year I can only pin point two events. The passing of my favorite Aunt Kay and that was also the year my best friend and I almost got to a point in which we would never speak again. These are events that happened so close together my alters decided that the entire year was forget worthy.
Switching can be troublesome when you have a "little" in the system. A little in terms of DID is the existence of a child alter. the name of my alter is Alice who is guessed to be 5 years old. Frightened, sweet, and as wondrous as she is when she has control of the system I am unable to physically speak because Alice herself is mute. Although I know what she is thinking within my head I am still unable to hear a voice other than my own core voice. Even though physically I look nothing like what Alice sees in the mirror, I know that she is chocolate with long straight pigtails and her favorite color is blue. She is a very curious child. Most of the personalities within me have a set purpose, however, we have been able to figure out what has brought her to the surface or what her purpose is.
In theory it is fun to have multiple personalities, however, Not remembering your actions, where you have been, and who you've been with can sometimes be downright frightening. The hardest part for me is that one of my personalities doesn't like children and as a whole we have three of them. This can sometimes make parenting very difficult.
There is so much more that I would like to discuss regarding DID however it will have to wait until part 3.
In the next entry I will break down how each personality affects my mental health and general well being. Until next time hasta luego.
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