SEX and the SINGLE

I just wanted to hear those words. I figured after all that time he would know that I was ready that I was just waiting to be asked. The sad reality is that he didn't even know if he wanted the same things as I did. When we date a man it has but one goal, and we think to ourselves if we just get this right if we just last long enough sure enough he will ask, we will accept, and once those wedding bells sound we will be in marital bliss. 

The pain of trying to get there is exponential. Each time we try, it takes a little more out of us. We care just a little more and a little less all at the same time. I couldn't even begin to explain the pain I felt over one of my exes we'll call him Lage. That man didn't break my heart, he broke me. I was broken, I lost myself because of what I allowed from him. I saw it clearly and still I fell because he loved me, he said he loved me, he meant he loved me, but did he really? In some strange twisted way I believe that he did love me, it just wasn't the right kind of love. 

I was the person who saw the post on Facebook about soul ties. 

When I saw the image above it disturbed me. What disturbed me the most is that I began to analyze this picture and understand it and realize that these so-called soul ties I refused to believe, has been the very thing that has been haunting me. I have lied in bed many nights just thinking. What have I done wrong? What am I doing wrong? I'm the perfect girlfriend, I don't get it I don't understand it. Why do they leave? Why do they cheat? What is it that I am not doing right? Better yet why do I keep choosing losers? I'm sure that many of us ask ourselves these questions quite often. We wish that there was some magical handbook that taught us how to find the perfect mate. If there were, wouldn't we buy the first copy we could get our hands on, underline everything we could find useful, and quickly put everything into motion? Life and love just don't work that way. These soul ties are so real and people like me refuse to believe it. I don't see how people can ignore them. You take on a little piece of every person you sleep with. It weighs heavier and heavier on you until you lose so much of yourself you wake up one day asking who am I and how did I get here. 

First society tells you it is okay to have sex outside of marriage, everyone is doing it. It "strengthens" relationships... Don't believe the hype, it weakens them, it weakens you. Best example is my personal account. High school relationships were so simple for me. I had little to no issues know who was a loser and who wasn't. Why? Because sex solidifies irrational emotions based on physical "completeness". Rather than spiritual completeness. Causing you to ignore that discerning spirit each of us has because of a desire that was meant to be controlled within the confines of marriage. 

Will you marry me? Why this title? This title because I've seen a few people in the last week mention marriage. I've heard "this was the man I was supposed to marry"... "Or I wanted to marry her"... Or my least favorite "You were the man I wanted to marry, if you had asked I would have said yes." Why do most people want to get married? 

For me, it's all I have ever known. I'm a special kind of crazy for love. I know and understand this and my future husband will love that about me. No matter how old I get I still have Cinderella dreams. I don't need to be saved from a wicked stepmother and sisters. But much like Cinderella I would like for that one man to see me across the room and pass every other woman just to take me by the hand in a slow dance. I was never once disillusioned about what happens when someone gets married. I didn't think that happily ever after meant never arguing or being mad at each other. I never once pretended that marriage wasn't work. I'm divorced, clearly I don't have the answers to a successful marriage. Marrying again is inevitable for me. I stand firm in the knowledge that I am STILL meant to be a wife. I know that my husband is out there. I will keep daydreaming until he becomes a reality. What does soul ties and marriage have in common? Soul ties make it that much more difficult to see your reflection. If you have all these other people looking back at you in the mirror, how will your mate recognize you? Stop having premarital sex, learn to see people for who they show themselves to be sex won't change them, it just changes you.

P.S. 

One thing you won't hear me talk about is soul mates. Unless God changes my heart I stopped believing in them a long time ago.

continuation...Sex And The Not So Single