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Failing, to Succeed

It's 5:30am and I am currently completing school work. For those of you who don't know, I am currently seeking my degree in Psychology with a concentration in mental health. For the past two terms, I have been fairing well in my studies and was and am very proud of myself, but I've run into some issues along the way. 
You see it all started with my English class. I know how is it that a writer starts having issues with their English class? Well, it's simple I overthink too much. English was my worst subject in high school. Although I took English in another college it was beneath me in the sense that I didn't study I didn't hardly read the material I just read others posts and created my posts based on the gist I got from what they wrote. I aced the class and I felt horrible for acing something I had to put no real effort into. Fast forward to this English class and the knowledge that it would truly be challenging my anxiety got the best of me. I passed the class with an A- and I am satisfied with that but it wasn't without help that it was accomplished.

Now, as I begin my journey into the classes that I want to take, rather than the classes that are required of me I find that I have continued my path of struggling. Has the English class before me set the precedent of the classes to come? Or has life taken its toll and affected my working going forward? In all honesty, it is the latter. I have been dealing with financial issues for some time now and it has finally come to a head. I am not only facing repossession but lawsuits as well. Many may wonder why I am so transparent in my life about what is going on not only mentally but situationally and I have to say what I have been saying since I've started writing this blog. If there is one person who sees this and is empowered or whose life is changed by it my work is done. In the last few weeks my lights and water have been cut off for at least a day. I've run out of my medication and my memory is failing me in all aspects in which I need it to flourish. I've wanted to give up and I've wanted to quit school so many times in the last few weeks it's ridiculous, but I refuse to let my circumstances dictate what my outcome will be and you shouldn't either. 

When I say that I was failing English I mean I was legit failing English; I had an F. Everything in me screamed to give up and let my dream go of ever getting my degree. That was nothing but the devil talking. Through the help of my professor and the resources of the University, I was able to pull that F all the way up to an A-. At first, it didn't deem like much to me but after sitting down and taking a look at everything I had to do to catch up and get this grade I realized that it was no small feat. Late submissions and penalties promised to dock my grade significantly, yet once I turned in the work and got the feedback and grades from these assignments I realized that my anxiety over the class was pointless. I aced almost everything I submitted and that was how I salvaged my grade.  

A lot of times we count ourselves out before we even start the class, assignment, or even job. Our negative thinking is what stops us from doing our best in the first place. Recently I've had to acquire another job as a means to support my family. As a server one night I was taking an order from a patron and everything was going well. However, at some point, I apologized for being new. This was mainly to my own insecurity and the patron called me out on it. She stated she never would have known I was new until I told her. Sometimes we use being new, or inexperienced as a crutch to get us to the next level and we need not to. Second-guessing ourselves and underestimating ourselves is what stops us from achieving our dreams. I'm still struggling with my classes thus far due to personal issues but I am pushing through and working hard on not counting myself out before I start. I urge you to do the same not only academically but in life as well. 


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