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Life Lesson Learned

I've been sitting here thinking about my Aunt Kay who died of breast cancer two months ago today. And I started thinking about a dream I had about my grandmother long after she passed.

As always I was at my grandmothers house I remember searching the house asking everyone there if they had seen grandma everyone said no. I went outside and in the driveway was a white stretch limo white guy driving blond hair blue eyes smile on his face with a sort of serene look. I asked Granddaddy.
" Where's grandma?" He just smile his smile. nothing was said nothing was done he just stood there and so did I. I felt a calming force come over me and I understood that she was gone. He never stopped smiling. He just got in the limo and when I blinked it was gone.

That dream is very different from the dream I had about my Aunt Kay. In the dream about my Aunt Kay the entire family was over to the house for something. I began searching the house asking where Kay was and everyone said that they didn't know. I began frantically searching for her and I just couldn't find her anywhere. Outside, in her room, everywhere I looked she just didn't seem to be there and finally someone looked at me and said she's gone. With my entire family there no one to take her to the store I began crying so hard I woke up crying. This dream was definitely different from the dream I had about my grand mother. I had to ask myself what was the biggest difference in the dreams. I honestly can't tell the difference other than the outcome from when I went searching for them. I wanted so bad to find my Aunt to see her one last time but I don't think that I will find her in my dreams. So I still struggle with her death and the pain from it is as if I lost my mother and not my Aunt. 
There are days when I am fine and I go about my day with nothing eventful happening and then there are days in which I find myself on the way to work crying as the bus moves along or crying myself to sleep at night.
The reason I cry I am finding is because I didn't have the courage to talk to my Aunt, ask my Aunt what her belief in Jesus Christ was. To this day I believe that that bothers me. I am just now putting together what it is that God wants me to do with the gifts that he has given me. I have wonderful writing skills that have grown over the years and I have been unable to write for most of those years yet I know that I still have a voice that needs to be heard.
I have come to find that what I am meant to do is use this gift to bring understanding, peace, and knowledge to people who may be lost in their faith in God. 
I am just starting out on my life changing journey as I have tried being a good christian in the past and it had not worked. I can feel the difference between now and then though I am still having a hard time with it I think that I am meant to inspire those who are also having a hard time in keeping the faith and walking in Christ the way that they should.
Hopefully I will find more time to write as I am now creating time to study God's word. I hope that someone reads this and finds that calming force move through them. God has a funny way of bringing you back to him. I should know my story is not one for the faint of heart.

Dear God,

Bless the person who reads this, I hope that they take it to heart that they are not alone in their journey that someone else out there has backslid but is pushing forward to get closer to you. I pray that whatever troubles they are having in their life right now that they have the wisdom and knowledge that you are in control and have always been in control and will guide them to exactly where it is that they are supposed to be. Help them to remember that your will will be done and that sometimes what they want is not exactly what is best for them. I pray all of these things in Jesus name, Amen.

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