So in observance of Lent I decided to give up social media. Which included Facebook Twitter and Instagram. As well as sex and alcohol. Yea those are horrible vices for me. Its Thursday and its been entire day and the no social media thing has been horrible. My best friend is like add this Person on Facebook oh yea see you ain't on Facebook. On top of being snowed in I've had a lot more time to study. The only book I'm having issue with right now for some reason is the emotionally healthy spirituality. Reading it had been such a slow agonizing process and I can't figure out why. I have been devouring lady is waiting. Its one of my favorite books which helps me deal with my singleness.
Lent is 40 days however my fast is following my reading plan on my Bible app which doesn't observe Sundays in teaching so I want to keep my fast going as long as my reading plan.
I've found a really good bible in my bible app that breaks down what is being said even more simpler than the HCSB version. It basically reads as if you were reading a story. It's the New International Readers Version. I've been going back and forth between the two.
I have been a little stir crazy not being able to actually get on Facebook or pinterest. I did pin something to a board from a website however in my defense I don't want to lose that bible. My mother had an African American bible when I was a kid I loved and I want to get it again... it's sold out though. it's not been long enough I guess to see a significant change in myself. All I can tell you is that I am supposed to wait. I don't even know what I am waiting for but something in me just keeps saying wait. Last time God said wait I didn't wait. This time I'm going to listen. Well guess I shall write again tomorrow maybe.
During my time of fasting and prayer and studying I am slowly finding peace. Most of all understanding of how I am supposed to be. I sacrifice so much for others. I give do much emotionally I drain myself of goodness trying to help others. I'm learning that I can't take everyone on my journey and that by holding hands I'm slowing myself down and out missing out on my own blessings stopping to help others up. Especially people who are only pretending to fall.
Finally being spiritually open enough to receive what was meant for me in emotionally healthy spirituality I find that I am moving steadily through the book. I feel good in knowing that I can express my emotions and how I feel without guilt. It is so easy to be bogged down by the hustle and bustles of life. As Christians we are supposed to forgive and turn the other cheek and not be angry about anything or dwell in sadness. I'm learning that it's okay to be angry and sad. God doesn't expect you to forgive right away. Or be happy or so worrying right away.
I want to cry. It can't be that serious. Are you kidding me. Like these vivid dreams Are just horrible torture at this point. They are no good feelings that come from these dreams. I'm actually making an effort and boy am I going through it for my choice. Never have I had this happen to me. I really do want to cry right now. I just want the dreams to stop. 😢 I must be doing something right though.
I know that I am complaining about my dreams. However last nights dream want so bad. The temptation in that dream was alcohol I went to grab a shot of something and someone took it away. That's not upsetting at least. It's vivid seductive dreams that make me want to hurt someone. I am at the point of turning sex down even in my dreams. Who knew how big of a vice and how great is a hold something like that could have over you. And don't get me started with social media. I miss Pinterest and multiple people tell me to look them up on facebook or go look at their page for some reason. I just kind of stare at them like really dude really. Social media is not that hard to give up in general it is a little hard because I have a very social media connected church. I am pretty sure I miss a lot of announcements. Like tonight the weather is supposed to be bad I don't know if we are having church tonight.
I'm enjoying my time with God. Praying, reading, learning, and slowly coming to an understanding. Eventually I will return to facebook because I do have. Reasons as to why I still have it. But at least my goal is to not to set it as a main app on any of my main screens. I'm learning to make time for fellowship with God instead of excuses.
I am going to bring this entry to a close as this 40 Day journey well make for a long entry if I don't.
Until next post.