I can’t sleep
The images
They keep haunting me
I am at a loss
Dr. What could this be?
Have you had any major stress in your life?
I guess you could say so
I guess that’s right
These images
How do they make you feel?
Sick to my stomach
It seems so unreal
His fat chubby hands grabbing at me
I try to get away
I try to get free
His round fat stomach has got me pinned
Oh no I can’t breathe!
It’s happening again!
The panic
The fear
The tightening of my chest
I don’t want to go back
Can we just skip the rest?
I know it’s not ideal
To relive the pain
But there can be no healing
If things are left the same.
This is so hard
These memories
Why can’t they stay blocked?
Why set them free?
*sigh*
He tries to kiss me I turn my face
I fight and struggle
I can’t get away
I was careful
So careful
To never be by myself
Somehow I’d look up
He’s there!
I must call for help!
I can’t tell the adults
I feel so much shame
This could escalate quickly
I call out a name
Please dear God let her hurry up
Hey Nicki Skip
Hey cuddy what’s up
He let’s me go
Before she ever sees
Let’s go outside I sat
Come with me
I tell no one
I keep it all in
Vowing to myself
It won’t happen again
Try as I might
It was the first
Not the last
Then one day he was gone
And it was all in the past
Even now
I can’t bear to say his name
After all these years
I still feel the same
So tell me doc
What could this be?
Well my dear
You have PTSD.
I don't look like what I've been through. It's a common phrase said by many Christians, I've said it myself a time or two. However, my mind has been swayed about what that statement should actually be. I'm glad I look like what I've been through. I've been through grace and favor and I have the scars to prove it.
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