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OCD So Intrusive

When someone says that they have OCD it is often associated with repetition, the need to have things a certain way, or excessive cleaning. Well, I have OCD. I was quite shocked when I got the diagnosis because I didn't exhibit any of those thraits listed. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The ironic thing about those symptoms is that it can actually be an outward manifestation of anxiety, but that is something completely different from this entry. This entry is focusing on my OCD the type of OCD that is not often talked about, one that most people are afraid to even talk about with their therapist. What kind of OCD do I have? I have obsessive cumplusive instrusive thoughts. I'm not 100% versed on the type of thoughts "normal" people have, since its said that at some point in our lives everyone has intrusive thoughts. I can only speak for the thoughts that run through my head. 

My intrusive thoughts manifest as thoughts of what if tragedies, a fear of hurting my loved ones physically even though I have no intent of doing such, and then there are the inappropriate sexual thoughts that surface. One of my biggest intrusive thoughts happens when traveling over bridges. My brain will tell me to swerve and drive right off the bridge. Of course I have no intent to do it, but as the term suggests it is intrusive in nature and can interfere with every day life. Intrusive thoughts can come with fear, fear that one day you won't be able to control the actions associated with your thoughts and that you will eventually act on them. Intrusive- unwelcome and uninvited thoughts. 

This type of OCD has plagued me for years, since I was a teen. I'm on a medication that is supposed to help with the intrusive thoughts and for the most part it worked, until recently. Slowly but surely the intrusive thoughts are returning and I am having a hard time controlling the negative feelings associated with those thoughts. I suspect that my medication has long become ineffective due to issues with my personalities. 

I don't have much else to say on the subject of intrusive thoughts. This was basically to bring awareness to them and the fact that it can be its own type of OCD. Below are images to give you a better understanding of intrusive thoughts in the wake of OCD.



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