So I was listening to a sermon/discussion on iDisciple by June Hunt Called Discerning Your Spiritual Gift. I was enthralled with what she was talking about. I had heard about the spiritual gifts but I really didn't bother to look them up. I've actually been reading them in various books of the bible I have been studying lately. I cheated however and googled the ones that I could not find. I did find a website that described them to me very plainly.
June Hunt basically just said that to find out your spiritual gift take a look at the things that you have done in ministry and write down what it is that gave you the most joy and then compare that to the list of your spiritual gifts and do that. So I got my cheat sheet google and wrote on a piece of paper all of the spiritual gifts... there are way more than I knew about, but I wrote those down and I happily checked them off. I checked off three spiritual gifts.
Teaching - Those with the motivational gift of teaching are the "mind" of the body. They realize their gift is foundational; they emphasize accuracy of words and love to study; they delight in research to validate truth. (This definition was under motivational gifts on the website.)
I like the following definition better well the last sentence of it anyway, the first part of it just makes me nervous I'm going to act and hope that that doesn't really apply to me.
Teacher - The teacher and the pastor are often a shared office, but not always. The teacher lays the foundation and is concerned with detail and accuracy. He delights in research to validate truth. The teacher is the "pinky finger." Though seemingly small and insignificant, he is designed specifically for digging into tight, dark places, shinning light and picking apart the Word of truth
Ministering/Serving/Helps - Those with the motivational gift of serving are the "hands" of the body. They are concerned with meeting needs; they are highly motivated, doers. They may tend to over commit, but find joy in serving and meeting short-term goals.
Mercy - Those with the motivational gift of mercy are the "heart" of the body. They easily sense the joy or distress in other people and are sensitive to feelings and needs. They are attracted to and patient with people in need, motivated by a desire to see people healed of hurts. They are truly meek in nature and avoid firmness.
I'm like okay yea mercy is definitely me, I just don't see how I'm figured to have patience. LoL maybe I am patient in more things than I think. LoL Serving is definitely me as well. I like to help do things. Knowing that I am helping make me feel good. I don't do things for myself I do them for others. Ugh and then here we come to teaching... How in the world did I end up checking off teaching? So I read both descriptions of teaching over and over again and even crossed referenced with with another website and still I could not remove that little check mark from teaching.
So I thought to myself who knew that when I was 8 years old and was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, that I would answer teaching and find that as one of my spiritual gifts later on in life.
I'm struggling with this gift. I mean really struggling with it. I am the type of person I love to learn in general, but give me something that I am passionate about and I can't just learn about it and keep the knowledge to myself if I learn a new fact I have to find someone else to share it with and if it is really really amazing to me I have to share it with multiple people and get them to understand it and see it for what it is AMAZING! Imagine how I feel with wanting to share academic information... now compare that with me wanting to share the love of God with everyone! I'm about to explode I am seriously on edge every day. One day I am going to just blurt out everything I've been holding back shout and then pass out. I probably am. So back to my struggle with teaching as my spiritual gift. My struggle is, actually opening up my mouth and speaking with confidence. I can hide behind words on a screen, text messages, and anything nonverbal and be perfectly fine with it. Because, no matter what I can make sure that I say the right thing. Actually verbalizing my inner thoughts? That is a horrific thought in general. I figured that I could just blog about it and get everything off of my chest that way. Share my thoughts and findings in my search for a closer relationship with Christ, however I know essentially that it is not enough. I know that I write the way that things come to my mind. It's not exactly politically correct in grammar and spelling all the time but I'm sure that my miniscule readers have come to appreciate the tone of my blogs enough to return to read them. Of all of the things why teaching? I can't answer that. I want to question it I really do like "God. Um what's up, I noticed you gave me the gift of teaching. I mean I really don't understand that seeing how I feel like I'm not really qualified to tell anyone anything more than what I felt I've learned from something. I mean as I'm reading it or writing it I'm so sure that this is the lesson that I was supposed to get from it and share it, but then I second guess myself. I look for validation that what I've discovered is actually accurate. Aren't we supposed to have spiritual guides for this sort of thing someone to tell me hey no that's not what it means it means this. Like how did Paul do it God? How did he go from persecuting your followers to writing letters to the church about having faith in the death burial and resurrection of your son? How can I have such confidence in doing wrong, yet have so little faith in doing right?"
I've spent so much time in silence I find that sometimes I immediately get answers to my questions.
The enemy does't want you to use your gift. Having a gift and keeping it to yourself is giving him access to the person you are supposed to help with that gift. He wants me to not speak up to not have confidence in myself because if I have confidence in myself he is weakened even more than he already is. If I have confidence he cannot poison my mind and influence me to remain where he wants me rather than where God is leading me. Just thinking about letting go of indecision makes me a little shaky. Sometimes we can get so comfortable in our dysfunction and indecision that it becomes normal and we fear the very thing that would prove to be more beneficial for us if we just made that decision.
I'll leave you will this last point and end this here.
"Stop holding hands with indecision and grab hold to faith."