A Tiger and Her Stripes

I wish this were my wall. I want so badly to just punch and punch and punch until every emotion, every hurt is gone from my body. The realization that today a year ago was the last time I spoke to Justin has set in and I haven't been able to stop crying. There is no bad to remember. Only good, and the more I focus on remembering the good and trying to find peace within it the more pain I feel. I've come full circle with my grief and I'm stuck at anger. I want to understand. I want to know why. I need to know why, and the answer is just not there. Why can't I just grieve on the one day? The day he died? Why must I cry now? I'm so guilt-ridden for all the things I didn't do when I had the chance. I'm guilt-ridden for loving so soon after his death. I feel like there should have been a time period in which I... I don't even know. At this point, I feel like pushing everyone away. Staying to myself and not letting anyone in. Not just temporarily but perm...

Prayer. Some of us are great at it. Our prayers are like poetry to the ears of God and we know without a doubt the He hears us. However, some of us like myself, struggle in that department of faith. Should we get on our knees and pray? Is my prayer less effective if I am lying in bed while I pray? What do I pray for? All of these are questions that many of us have. Honestly? There is no right or wrong answer. We have been instructed two things that stand out. Pray constantly and pray without babbling. Prayer is your personal conversation with God. No one can tell you how to speak with him. Whether you are lying down, on your knees, lying prostrate, or driving in your car God can hear you. Psalms 102:17 says "He will pay attention to the prayer of the destitute and will not despise their prayer."  1 John 5:14  " Now this is the confidence we have before Him: whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."  I am able to write at great l...

I've been stuck on the topic of discernment. At first, I thought it was just an obsession with wanting to hear the voice of God, however, I've come to find that as far as spiritual gifts go it is something I greatly desire to have. So, what did I do? Of course, I did two things. One, get out my bible and start reading. Actually, that isn't how it started I actually got on Pinterest to find scriptures to help me out, and I came across this meme... Now I'm not one to just go posting stuff all willy-nilly, so I got out my trusted bible and looked up the referencing scripture. Numbers 23:19  What exactly does this particular scripture have to do with discernment? Nothing. However, in chapters 22, 23, and 24 we learn of Balaam an oracle who sought to discern the will of God. Balak the king of Moab wanted Balaam to curse Israel. Balaam sought after God and was told three times not to curse them. He actually ended up blessing them those three times he consulted with God. (...

In my first blog about this topic, called Sex and the Single  (originally named Will You Marry Me), I wrote about soul ties and the importance of not having sex before marriage. That was back in 2015. In 2018 I come to you with a confession... I did not follow my own advice. Sex had long been a bandage for the things that were going wrong or even right in my life. Depressed? Have sex. Happy? Have sex. Drunk... you see where I'm going with this. At one point I even had a go to person who could satiate what I would come to understand as my addiction. Always a text, phone call, or message away, I never had to go without. However, as time passed my body and mind would not agree with my addiction. Suddenly a feeling that was so natural and a drive that seemingly fueled itself began to dwindle. This, however, would not stop me. I would begin to manually fuel that drive with alcohol. It quickly became the only way I could even engage in sex. Still, I was never truly satisfied as ea...

Masterful post Meaningful words Symphonic in nature Listen and be heard Crescendo Fortissimo Play it for pleasure Play it for fun Accent each word Let each sentence run Fortepiano  Allegro Lento Lyrically Symphonic Just let the words Flow.

Stimulation Penetration Deep Within the mind Conversation Speculation Sensuality of its own kind Crave it? I need it It sets me on edge Politics World events Debates better than head Head games Hand games Oh the simulation is not the same So open so ready For the emptiness to be filled Stimulate me Penetrate me Your sick mind needs to be healed.

I'm trying to get admission But my credits fall just shy So much time devoted Wait listed I wonder why Did I miss some history Fall short in chemistry Eclipsing mystery Why acceptance keeps missing me Don't need much accommodation Can I get a letter of recommendation? I've taken many classes In life skills I got schooled I had some hard lessons Passed Then flunked for being fooled Insecurities  Keeping me from my full capabilities Fallacious arrogance Letting these teachers mislead me Such a smart girl The world should be amazed Your spontaneity  Creativity You've got the fire to set the world ablaze Now Here I am at graduation And all I can say Could you write what you just said In a letter of recommendation one day. Guess the time I've spent learning Ain't enough to be Considered for higher learning Since so many rejections come to me High school was easy Had it all figured out Now when it's on to college Guess I'...