Welcome to Charlene 2015.
Isn't it funny that you sit there and you think to yourself "I'm going to start writing in my blog again..." only to actually sit there at the computer and realize that for some odd reason you can't find the words to say. I've been through a lot in my lifetime and I have been through quite a bit in the last years.
Recently the guy I had been seeing for the last year decided that we should just be friends. I'm not mad at it. A little hurt but life goes on. I'm sure that he wouldn't not understand why this is even in my blog. Here's the thing. I've been thinking about God and everything that he has shown me in the last year and honestly I'm not completely over my "ex" but I'm not as heart broken as I should be. You see I dropped some pretty thick walls for this guy and allowed someone for the first time since.... well since Q to really get to know me. I was at work tonight thinking about it and there was this sort of peace that came over me. I understand that it wasn't mean to be and hurt is something that anyone feels when they lose a relationship with someone they are connected to. I don't regret any of it really. I've found out who my true friends are in this last year as well as found myself able to get out and do more. I was able to get a life of my own. Some of my other vices still need work. I'm still working on some things that I would like to explain off as just being a part of who I am but even I am not happy with this part of who I am. It's a day to day struggle and I can only pray that with God's help I can overcome it.
I'm trying to think of the different things that I have learned last year. The year went by so quickly. I got closer to God in that year but not anywhere near where I need to be. Not anywhere near where I want to be in my walk with Christ.
The beginning of the year was completely different from the end of the year. I studied more at the beginning of the year and then bills hit and I started working more and then got a second job to help make ends meet. I am currently still working said job and although I really like the second job, I can't seem to feel anything other than exhausted. Yes I am tired because the second job is very taxing on my body compared to my main job in which I just sit on my butt all day and answer calls. I am more tired however of the time that is being spent away from my children and housework. OMG I would love to be able to just take the night...since there is something wrong with me and I hate cleaning during the day. But I'd love to take the night to just throw on some music my knee pads and scrub my floors... well not the bathroom Just mop that. I can't bring myself to scrub the bathroom floor frankly behind the toilet scares me and I have the children clean back there because it literally makes me want to puke.
I would also like to get back into my writing. I say that every freaking year but I honestly mean it. Writing in general has been something hard for me. I've even had a hard time writing in my journal. I can't even remember the last time I wrote in my journal... Then again I think that I don't really write in it too much because I didn't really have an interesting life.... well interesting according to my standards anyway. I mean I really do feel as though some of the things I have been through some of the situations I've found myself in can only be accomplished by me.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........
NEW YEAR NEW ME!!!!!!! LoL
Okay that was just a joke, there are some things that I am going to change about myself this year with the help of God. One of those things. Though people may laugh at me and I have tried at this and failed at it in the past I am going to try celibacy for the entire year. I know that typically one should make short term goals when trying to make such a commitment however I feel that if I do not give myself the same stipulations on this as i did smoking I might actually fail again. I don't know exactly how I'm going to do this but I know that somehow I have to make it through. So I guess step one in this would be admitting I have a problem? LoL okay no seriously dude I really do. I know that I'm going to need a lot of support... and prayer. With my job actually depending a lot on my attitude I'm going to need some coping skills because I turn into a grade A female dog after about a month. I know that I really should change my phone number but I feel like my children seriously just learned it like two years ago and I hate having to reteach it to them every time I change it and it seems like I change it right after they learn it. I'm going to have to pray on that one, plus if I change my phone number probably need to change my email too. I might be a little too accessible to people sometimes.
Now that I sit here writing this entry I don't think that i really did much of anything last year. LoL Other than lose weight and being to workout and workout hard.
Well this years promises to be epic I can tell you that. And Hopefully I will keep everyone posted on what is going on in my year. I know that a lot of people don't have the attention spans to read my post or even pay attention to me. But if you want something to entertain you have a read and enjoy my life. hopefully I can keep up with the post.... look at what I can accomplish when I turn the TV off stop for two seconds and then just let the words flow from my brain.
GOOD NIGHT!
Oh and by the way....
My name is actually Nicole/ Nicki
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