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When You Can't Sleep Overthink... Because that ALWAYS works

So apparently going to bed at 10pm is just not something I am meant to do I always end up waking up around one and unable to go back to sleep until about 3.
I've been lying in the dark thinking about a lot lately. One of the things that still crosses my mind is my ex. Last I told him was that I didn't want to be friends... well we couldn't be because of how I still felt about him. I'm fine with the breakup now but part of me knows that the feelings are still too raw to attempt a friendship again. I mean I really like him as a friend.
Good thing is that as I get older the less I think about my failed marriage. I could rant and rave about some other things after the marriage that grinds my gears but why give it so much of my time and energy.
Instead I sit here and think about my life and where it is going. I have no degree and enough student debt to make me wish I'd at least had the common sense not to go back to school a second time... and not finish. Is my attempt at getting a degree misguided? I throw no shade on my family members and their accomplishments however I know that some of them don't have degrees and have nice jobs and great benefits. Some may be CNA's which I though about doing at one point in time, but I know my strengths and honestly working with old people and sick people are not something I can do. I care too much, I'd be a wreck if one of those people were to ever pass away. 
My issue is that I am not a risk taker. Being a semi single mother of three I have to admit that i am afraid to take chances. The last time I took a chance was the very job that I have now. It's a great job but for anyone who has ever worked at Xerox and understands how they are paid will understand that because I have a set hourly rate and am coming up on a year I don't see a raise coming with that. Most projects are activity based and because this one is not I am pretty sure that there is not a raise in the future of it. I am making more money now that I have made in previous years, but I need a living wage. 
There is part of me that wants to move out of Lexington, however, being a part of LEAD is something that I enjoy very much. it may not be starting a nonprofit organization on my own but it is something that I have wanted to be a part of. 
One of the main parts of my passion is writing. I would love to write and get paid to do it... I've been sitting here and writing how I want to do this and I want to do that I just realized that if I don't take chances than how am I ever going to do any of these things?
Sometimes the very things that we want out of life are right within our grasp but we never take the chance to go after it. No more for me I'm going to take the steps to get paid for my writing. Maybe it all starts with this blog.
Trust me I have a lot of stories to tell. And a lot of lessons to give to those that will care to listen or are just nosey enough to want to read the life of someone else for a change. LoL I think at this time it concludes this entry... There is a possibility that I'll actually write something else either today or tonight.... who knows. Good night all!


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