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DID Me Part 3

This week has been a week, and it's only Wednesday. Monday was a very depressive day in which I couldn't get out of the bed and seriously thought about quitting my job. It's also the day I realized something about my medication. See, over the past two or three months now I have only consistently had two of the three medications I am on. Now, just to be clear there is no medication that can "cure" Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), because it is a trauma based disorder it is generally coupled with conditions like depression and anxiety. I'm still learning new things about the disorder myself. Although I've had it for a while now there are still things about me and all of my alters that I am learning. One of those things is about Alice (5 or 6 years old).

Alice as you may know from Introductions to DID Me Part 1 and Introductions to DID Me Part 2 is what we call a little. Again she was fairly new when I wrote the first two articles almost two years ago. Just to refresh your memory if you haven't read the other two entries there are six of us. Nicole, Nicki, CC, Onyx, Chemele, and Alice. Alice has been a mystery for quite some time. She's frightening to switch to in public places because she can't speak. I can hear her thoughts as my own voice but when I try to speak them I am unable to. I know that she is left handed and writes very poorly because we've never developed her handwriting, not to mention she's only about 6 years old. At the time she appeared we thought she was 5 but her developement has become a little more clear to us and she is developmentally an autistic 6 year old. We sort of found that out the hard way.

Alice is the alter that is generally content in the background of our minds in her bubble finger painting. It's very rare that she wants to come out from her comfort zone and actually get time out of her confines; until recently. For the last two months or so I had begun to notice that one of my medications had gone missing quite often. I chaulked it up to me being scatter-brained and left it at that. However, this medication plays an intrical part in managing my depression and without it I end up with days like Monday in which I felt like the sky was falling and the world was ending. I had to ask myself why this medication? Why is this the only one I seem to lose or run out of mysteriously? So I googled the medication.

When the results came up for the medication I started checking things off the list. Schizophrenia? No. Bi-polar? No. Depression? Yes. Tourette Syndrome? No. Irritability associated with Autism? Huh? I hadn't once stopped to think that maybe Alice was Autistic. Having been around children with Autism for pretty much most of my life I don't know how it never crossed my mind. Maybe part of me doesn't want to believe that one of the people in our system is Autistic. It seems unreal that that would be the case, however the more research I do on the possiblities of alters having their own disorders the more I am convinced. It makes me feel some kind of way because I hate to offend anyone who may have a child or loved one who is Autistic or on the spectrum. There is still so much I am unpacking about this disorder.

On another note maybe one day I will be able to give those like myself a place to feel accepted and understood as I am starting my journey into psychology in may. Wish us luck. Until next time.


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