Skip to main content

Lord Why?

Again, Lord why? Why am I a walking talking DSM-5? For those of you who don't know what the DSM-5 is according to Psychiatry.org, it is The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the handbook used by health care professionals in the United States and much of the world as the authoritative guide to the diagnosis of mental disorders. DSM contains descriptions, symptoms, and other criteria for diagnosing mental disorders...
I guess this is more of a rant than something inspirational. I'm a little down right now because I feel like there is so much working against me at this current time. It may be an exaggeration to say that I am a walking talking DSM-5 but it doesn't lessen the frustration I have dealing with all of my diagnosis. It seems as though something new is added almost every other year or so and it is a bit tiresome, to say the least.

The most frustrating diagnosis I have out is ADHD. I thought I had a pretty good handle on it now that I am an adult, however, I've come to learn that there are still things about ADHD I did not know. I didn't know that ADHD affected impulse control among other things I can't remember right now, which happens to be another symptom of ADHD forgetfulness. -Sigh- between the ADHD, Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.), Major depressive disorder, PTSD, Intrusive thought OCD, and General anxiety disorder it's no wonder I feel as though I am a walking DSM.

Even though on a daily I embrace my diagnosis' (spell check) and try to make the best out of all the situations I find myself in it gets a little hard sometimes when I constantly lose things or forget important dates. Then there is always the fear that I will forget someone entirely. That can get a bit awkward (<--- awkward looking word, tee hee) when I find myself staring at someone for long periods of time. I have to conscientiously remember not to stare because most people don't understand that what I am doing is memorizing their face and features. This would be the reason I ask for pictures constantly.   

I took a small break from this post because I was getting overwhelmed with even writing this, I decided to go and do some homework and came across a response to a post that said they loved my discussion pieces and the analogies I used. I had to go back and reread what I wrote and this is what stood out most to me:

“Life is a shark, if you’re not moving forward you’re dying.” This is the quote that stood out to me the most. Mainly because of the visual I get from an ad I see all the time on Facebook for a game. There is a fish trying to get away from a shark and he tries everything he can to slow down the shark but eventually fails. If he had just kept moving forward he would not have been eaten. Instead, his attempts to slow down the shark actually slowed him down. Life is a lot like that. If you don’t keep moving forward and keep looking back you will slow down in life and get overwhelmed by the things behind you. After all, you can’t change them anyway all you can do is keep moving forward. In the words of Dory from Finding Nemo, you have to “Just keep swimming.”

This couldn't have come at a better time. Here I was looking back at what I was diagnosed with instead of moving forward with the information I have on it and how to overcome it. So I guess in a way I found my own inspiration in my very own words. I started out asking Lord why, but now I know that it doesn't matter the reason why. All that matters is what you do moving forward.  


Comments

  1. I admire this article for the well-researched content and excellent wording. I got so involved in this material that I couldn’t stop reading. I am impressed with your work and skill. Thank you so much. Depression Treatment Centers South Jersey

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Get Ready

I was walking at work one day when I heard a small still voice say "get ready". It stopped me in my tracks because there was no one else around other than myself. Get ready? Get ready for what? "Get ready". In my heart, I knew what it meant but I was and somewhat am not so much reluctant but anxious about what was ahead of me. 

Me Too Transparency

I want to be able to say that I've never been out and out raped, but at the end of the day no means no and I said it; I said no. It's moments like those that live in your mind and don't go away. You keep replaying them until you've

Holes In The Wall

I wish this were my wall. I want so badly to just punch and punch and punch until every emotion, every hurt is gone from my body. The realization that today a year ago was the last time I spoke to Justin has set in and I haven't been able to stop crying. There is no bad to remember. Only good, and the more I focus on remembering the good and trying to find peace within it the more pain I feel. I've come full circle with my grief and I'm stuck at anger. I want to understand. I want to know why. I need to know why, and the answer is just not there. Why can't I just grieve on the one day? The day he died? Why must I cry now?

I'm so guilt-ridden for all the things I didn't do when I had the chance. I'm guilt-ridden for loving so soon after his death. I feel like there should have been a time period in which I... I don't even know. At this point, I feel like pushing everyone away. Staying to myself and not letting anyone in. Not just temporarily but permanent…