As it stands I have gone through many changes and I don't mean in personalities either. You see, I was talking to someone and they asked me a question that got me thinking. WHO AM I? My fingers were poised at the keyboard ready to reply and when I looked up I realized I had sent... "I'm not even sure anymore." which lead me to wonder... why don't I know?
The ironic thing about this is that this week in my course we are reflecting on who we were when the course began compared to who we are now and what we have learned. Much like college, I am now reflecting on the very same thing in my personal life. 2015 I was on top of the world I knew what I wanted and how to get it, life was good, even when things were bad, life was good. 2016 took me through hell and back but still, I remembered who I was and what I wanted. 2017 I'd have to say is where it all began to fall apart. I lost sight of something and I'm still not sure what it is. I lost myself. I lost the sense of who I was and what I needed, I conformed to who I'd always seen myself as from 2010 through 2014. By the time 2018 rolled around, I'd come to the conclusion that I was just damaged, and in some way maybe I still feel that I am just damaged. Don't get me wrong, 2018 was a good year and stable year all the way around. I even learned things about myself that I never believed were possible, but when that stability came to an end recently it felt as though the entire world shifted and I lost something once again.
Truth is, I never really had it or believed I had it. So when I ran into a brick wall I instantly went back to who I thought I was. This is all very vague in its description but I promise you as you're reading this you are thinking of something specific in your life and you are feeling exactly the way I am feeling now. I lost my sense of self somewhere in my travels through life and I have been trying to figure out just who I am for some time now. Currently, I am a mother, writer, and student but there is something missing. Something I haven't quite put my finger on. It's going to take a lot of soul searching to find what it is that I am missing about myself.