Skip to main content

Who I Am

As it stands I have gone through many changes and I don't mean in personalities either. You see, I was talking to someone and they asked me a question that got me thinking. WHO AM I? My fingers were poised at the keyboard ready to reply and when I looked up I realized I had sent... "I'm not even sure anymore." which lead me to wonder... why don't I know?

 The ironic thing about this is that this week in my course we are reflecting on who we were when the course began compared to who we are now and what we have learned. Much like college, I am now reflecting on the very same thing in my personal life. 2015 I was on top of the world I knew what I wanted and how to get it, life was good, even when things were bad, life was good. 2016 took me through hell and back but still, I remembered who I was and what I wanted. 2017 I'd have to say is where it all began to fall apart. I lost sight of something and I'm still not sure what it is. I lost myself. I lost the sense of who I was and what I needed, I conformed to who I'd always seen myself as from 2010 through 2014. By the time 2018 rolled around, I'd come to the conclusion that I was just damaged, and in some way maybe I still feel that I am just damaged. Don't get me wrong, 2018 was a good year and stable year all the way around. I even learned things about myself that I never believed were possible, but when that stability came to an end recently it felt as though the entire world shifted and I lost something once again.

Truth is, I never really had it or believed I had it. So when I ran into a brick wall I instantly went back to who I thought I was. This is all very vague in its description but I promise you as you're reading this you are thinking of something specific in your life and you are feeling exactly the way I am feeling now. I lost my sense of self somewhere in my travels through life and I have been trying to figure out just who I am for some time now. Currently, I am a mother, writer, and student but there is something missing. Something I haven't quite put my finger on. It's going to take a lot of soul searching to find what it is that I am missing about myself. 

I took about an hour to take a look at a sermon on Youtube. Something was drawing me to hear a Word from God. I won't go into it now but I advise that if you find yourself feeling like me watch this sermon. My life is about to change and yours is too. 


Popular posts from this blog

Just(in) Grief 2

I had a blog post all written out in my notebook and decided not to post it but to write off the cuff. 

Today was a good day... for most of the day. At some point I began thinking about grief and how it affects me and that completely tanked my mood for a while. I, of course, started thinking about Justin. For those of you who don't know who Justin is, he's a dear friend and a former love interest of mine who passed away July 6th, 2017.

Get Ready

I was walking at work one day when I heard a small still voice say "get ready". It stopped me in my tracks because there was no one else around other than myself. Get ready? Get ready for what? "Get ready". In my heart, I knew what it meant but I was and somewhat am not so much reluctant but anxious about what was ahead of me. 

Genevieve Lost

I couldn't believe Edith had the nerve to act like she was better than me. Who did she think she was? I mean I've been saved since I was ten years old. I know who God is, I know who Jesus is, and they are the only ones who can judge me. Sure my life isn't perfect but whose is. We all sin, I repent of my sins every day as long as God forgives me I don't care what anyone else thinks of me and that includes my high and mighty sister. I guess I would be spending more time at John's house after my weekend binges, now that my sister had kicked me out and taken back her key.