A Tiger and Her Stripes

2/19/2015 So in observance of Lent I decided to give up social media. Which included Facebook Twitter and Instagram. As well as sex and alcohol. Yea those are horrible vices for me. Its Thursday and its been entire day and the no social media thing has been horrible. My best friend is like add this Person on Facebook oh yea see you ain't on Facebook. On top of being snowed in I've had a lot more time to study. The only book I'm having issue with right now for some reason is the emotionally healthy spirituality. Reading it had been such a slow agonizing process and I can't figure out why. I have been devouring lady is waiting. Its one of my favorite books which helps me deal with my singleness. Lent is 40 days however my fast is following my reading plan on my Bible app which doesn't observe Sundays in teaching so I want to keep my fast going as long as my reading plan. 2/20/2015 I've found a really good bible in my bible app that breaks down what is being sa...

My heart Right now Is as open as it can be My heart Right now Beating For all to see You can't touch it Touch it if you dare Ha ha Its out of your reach But trust me its there Its beautiful isn't it? Don't you see The hopes the dreams The life that's meant to be Its yours you know Yes I'm talking to you Green No pink No red white or blue No, no, red Yes as red as can be Red black and white Perfect colors for me Stars Yes stars Under the moonlight Then and only then Will I have my black knight.

All day I have been thinking about what it was that I wanted to talk about. There are so many things that I could talk about. My walk with Christ of course... the weather... things that I have noticed lately... finally: after sitting down and actually getting to breathe I've figured it out. Let's talk about BAE, boo, boo thang, babe, him, her, whoever, or whatever you call them. I will say this over and over again until I am blue in the face. I am not an expert by far in anything dealing with relationships. In fact I just had one end new years eve (devastated), HOWEVER, I do notice that I follow typically the same pattern in relationships. Meet a guy, like guy, get to know guy, guys really great for about two months, guy turns into jerk, I stay. Why stay? well he's just stressed right? No dear he's a jerk and you need to let it go. I can't tell you what to do in relationships I can only tell you what hasn't worked for me so here goes... Moving on before mov...

So a couple of days ago one of my most toxic relationships ended after four years. You read all of those articles about people that just keep you in their life just to have someone there and think to yourself naw not me. Well in truth that is what this person was to me and if he actually evaluated it I was to him. We've always been in contact through email and text messages... when he actually had a phone I haven't actually seen this person in two years. We were arguing about the ability of people no matter who you are to at some point in their life have a shallow thought or moment. He was offended by some of the things that I said because he felt like some of the things I talked about where things that he himself had esteem issues with. I found myself trying to explain how he was different and blah blah blah and he said I was just making it worse and that he wasn't mad just change the subject. I was not going to change the subject it really bothered me that me at my shallo...

So apparently going to bed at 10pm is just not something I am meant to do I always end up waking up around one and unable to go back to sleep until about 3. I've been lying in the dark thinking about a lot lately. One of the things that still crosses my mind is my ex. Last I told him was that I didn't want to be friends... well we couldn't be because of how I still felt about him. I'm fine with the breakup now but part of me knows that the feelings are still too raw to attempt a friendship again. I mean I really like him as a friend. Good thing is that as I get older the less I think about my failed marriage. I could rant and rave about some other things after the marriage that grinds my gears but why give it so much of my time and energy. Instead I sit here and think about my life and where it is going. I have no degree and enough student debt to make me wish I'd at least had the common sense not to go back to school a second time... and not finish. Is my attemp...

Welcome to Charlene 2015. Isn't it funny that you sit there and you think to yourself "I'm going to start writing in my blog again..." only to actually sit there at the computer and realize that for some odd reason you can't find the words to say. I've been through a lot in my lifetime and I have been through quite a bit in the last years.  Recently the guy I had been seeing for the last year decided that we should just be friends. I'm not mad at it. A little hurt but life goes on. I'm sure that he wouldn't not understand why this is even in my blog. Here's the thing. I've been thinking about God and everything that he has shown me in the last year and honestly I'm not completely over my "ex" but I'm not as heart broken as I should be. You see I dropped some pretty thick walls for this guy and allowed someone for the first time since.... well since Q to really get to know me. I was at work tonight thinking about it and ...

Love Oh love How I long for thee Your touch your kisses is like a spark igniting a flame I am set ablaze by the mere thought of you Oh the feel of your lips against mine Will you ever love me as I love you Will you ever know the extent I could lie perfectly still and feel each and every touch Each and every caress. Sound asleep I dream you even when you are next to me Surely the feel of your hands upon my though is a dream The kisses to my neck a wonderful realistic illusion I moan Don't wake I bade myself, not yet Gasp- The heat floods between my legs and still this can't be real As your fingers slide into the warm wetness I am awakened to ecstasy I missed your touch Longed for it Needed so much more Much more than you gave I'm not finished I should be done But your kiss The way you held me down You found me in that moment You didn't know You couldn't That part of me I've been trying to show You earned a little glimpse ....... ...