A Tiger and Her Stripes

It saddens me that this is my last public letter to you. I mean how else am I supposed to tell you without actually telling you how I feel about you. The thing is that I have so many things to say to you and don't have to courage to say them. I've been writing to a mystery man that is not a mystery, not to me anyway. I know who he, is in my heart I do. The only time I have ever been this sure about something was when I was pregnant with my son. I knew he was a boy from conception, I even know when he was conceived. Doctors looked at me funny but I wanted my boy and I knew I was meant to have my boy. I remember the first ultrasound in which we were to find out what he was. I looked at the screen and his little legs were gaped wide open showing he was a boy. You didn't have to be an expert to read that. LoL I don't have to be an expert to know the signs. I know who you are, God knows who you are, and I'm waiting on you to know who I am to you. But of all of the thin...

Happy Resurrection day! I have to admit that my journey through Lent was difficult. I wish that I could say that I made it the entire time but I did not. When I faltered it felt like the end of the world to me and I was hurt. I mean really hurt about it. I felt so much pain and guilt... the beauty of it was that because of my time with God during that time I was able to find comfort in the word of God. I was able to pick up the love I have for myself where I left it, dust it off, and carry on. I pray more and read my word more. I've noticed major growth in myself. Today as I was on that stage with the choir rocking out I realized that the old me was too shy to openly praise God like I did today. The old me was too shy to do more than clap even if she was standing in the back. The old me would have sung just loud enough unsure of her pitch and tone. The old me was afraid under those bright lights even among all of those people around me. The OLD ME didn't leave church still s...

I had three conflicting dreams.  My first dream was that I married my ex boyfriend. That was strange just for the fact that yea he's my ex boyfriend but I'm pretty sure he doesn't see me as wifey material. LoL My second dream was about me talking to my future husband (which is not my ex boyfriend) about something we had in a common and the conversation was going good until he had to leave and I really didn't want him to go. So he left. My final dream was the nightmare. I was on a trip with friend and family. Tasha was there Jade Jasmine Josiah Leigh Destiny Tiana Naisha Jordan Tara and my mommy.  It was a cross between a memory of a place and a dream. But we were at Disney World. My mother and I had to go somewhere.  It was raining cats and dogs we took this long street I was driving kind of fast this four lane road turned into two lanes quickly with a death drop off the side and no guardrails we almost went of the side as it turned into one lane panicking I went dow...

Seriously, honestly. That is how I feel. I just want to start by saying that I loved the word and guidance brought forth by Team Robinson tonight (3-20-2015). There was a lot of good information a lot that actually hit close to home. You know me though. I have to over think everything. So lets get into my personal thoughts no so much on the lesson itself but on some things that I have known and realized about myself.  I was never meant to just be a someone's girlfriend. I say that often and people really do look at me funny. However for as long as I can remember all I ever wanted to do was get married have children and live happily ever after. Of course as I got older I did realize what true happily ever after was. It did not consist of a big castle, a large banquet full of food for everyone. I realized over the years that happily ever after was the ability to look at the same person day in and day out and know that they get on your everlasting nerves sometimes, but you couldn...

My dearest love, I pray your day was filled with joy. You crossed my mind often and if I could have told you I would have. I live for the twinkle in your eye and the smile on your face. I wonder if you are waiting for God to reveal me to you as I know he has already revealed you to me. He's already told me that there would never be a dull conversation between us. That we would share many laughs together. That we would always hold each other up and be unafraid to communicate and take everything to God in prayer. He's told me that I can trust you with my deepest fears and greatest desires. He has already told me that aside from him there is no one will who will encourage me more than you. There is nothing I guess about you, God has told me that he has made you perfectly imperfect for me and that when the time is right we will give our hearts to each other before Him. I can't help but miss you right now. I can hardly wait for the promise that God has for us to be fulfilled. ...

3/8/2015   I can't remember my thoughts from the last post about Lent but one that has been recurring as of lately is that one that is prompted by the ever lasting argument I seem to have with a friend of mine that Lent is only observed by Catholics. I literally only learned about Lent maybe two years ago, I did however grow up with the knowledge of Palm Sunday, Good Friday, and of course Easter Sunday. I had heard about Ash Wednesday when I was a child, who attended St. Edwards Catholic School. I, however, could not tell you what it was about or for I just knew that the people were walking around with ashes on their forehead... and that holy water was salty. (I don't even remember how old I was it's a distant memory that somehow stays but is never truly clear.) I've gone back and forth about this and my friend stated that his church hasn't observed Good Friday or Palm Sunday. "Well it sounds to me like maybe you need to find a new church..." Was my respo...

I guess I am just in one of those moods tonight. Being single sucks... but getting lost in my dream... sometimes I love it just as much as I hate it.  There are moments where I imagine my future husband coming home from work after a long day. I greet him and ask him how his day was kissing him on the cheek. In this dream the kids are well behaved and not running around getting on my nerves talking about how they don't want to do home work. Dinner is done and ready to be served. We sit down to a meal on actual dinnerware no plastic plates forks spoons or knives. We join hands and my husband leads us in prayer. We eat and go around the table asking how each others day went. There are no electronics just us, together as a family. The children help clean the kitchen afterwards and then head off to bed kissing us goodnight. My husband and I spend time together. Maybe he wants to unwind and watch TV while I curl up next to him reading a book. Neither one of us needs to say anything just...