A Tiger and Her Stripes

There is a movie on netflix right now called "The November Rule". I love that movie. One of the reasons why is because in retrospect, I have a rule similar to that. I try very hard not to be attached beyond October 31st. It is something that I have done for years now. The season known to many as cuffing season has always been a time when I "uncuff" so to speak. There have been many false reasons as to why I do this. Such as, don't want to spend time with their families, don't want to have to give them gifts for Christmas, and the ultimate one... I hate Valentine's day. I had to step back and try to figure out where in the world this came from. The simple answer is that my past has prevented me from ever really wanting to be with someone during that time. If you are with someone there is always room for disappointment. Not to mention the memories associated with that time frame.  Christmas has been hard for me since 2010. The memories created in my ma...

I have begun to read the five love languages again. Kind of a refresher of sorts. One of the things that I have noticed starting at the first love language; Words of Affirmation, it that I don't speak that language very well. Not to others and not to myself. It's really been evident in the last year that I have been lacking in communication skills in this manner. Each and ever single day I am sitting at a computer talking to people about health insurance, a job that I have done for the last three years. However, that is not where my customer service skills started. My journey actually started with technical support with Apple. If anyone is familiar with the ins and outs of call center work you understand that you are generally "coached" on your calls for specific things. In every single call center job that I have had my failing point was and still is empathy. "You gotta work on your empathy." I hear time after time in coaching sessions. My current job was ...

What is this? I don't recognize this feeling I'm not afraid Of what tomorrow holds I'm not ashamed of me I'm actually feeling... Quite bold. Vibrant Alive And dare I say free What is this? Who is this? I know now That's me! That's my smile My laugh Did I just bat my eyes? That's my confidence My joy That's my pride Been a long time coming This reflection of me Gone is that little girl Of timidity So I'll strut Sashay While these heels click Pause Smile and wink Cuz I'm a brand new chick. 😉

In my previous post I talked about how my week had been. How depressed I was and how I was unable to pretty much do anything or be anything other than depressed.  Let me take you through my day on Friday. I woke up Friday morning and again the world was just nothing but gloom and doom for me. It took everything I had in me to get the kids out the door and off to school without bursting into tears. On my way to work I just couldn't stop crying. Still there was no known reason to my tears, but the heart inside my chest was just broken. Even with the good news I'd gotten the day before I could do nothing but cry. I walked into work I don't even know if anyone even noticed the tears in my eyes. I just tried keeping my head down and not talking to anyone. Time seemed to drag on as I waited to escape to my car for my first break. I almost cried on my first two calls. There was no life in my voice at all. I found myself bowing my head and praying "Jesus I need you, just help...

It started last Thursday. I was just angry for no reason. I thought it was just the onset of mother nature. Surely I could shake the anger and move on.  Then it was like I woke up one morning wanting to cry and I haven't stopped having that feeling ever since. It's really bad right now. The worst its been in years. In fact the last time I remember feeling this hopeless was when I first moved to Lexington at the age of 16. I tried to be happy to fit in and nothing was working. Then I got an upper respiratory infection and a teacher took such pity on me that she basically passed me in health class. Partly because it was already my third time taking a health class, heck as well as my third year of high school and I was only in the 10th grade. This isn't a feeling I would wish on my worst enemy. It's like my heart breaks every morning. The thing about it is, I woke up this morning well rested and in a really good mood and for about 30 minutes I thought that this bout ...

It's been awhile since I've blogged. In a way I guess I forgot why it was that I started doing this. It started as a way to get things off of my chest and out in the open and then it quickly became how many views can I get  how many likes.  The strange thing is, at the beginning of the summer I felt more like I was becoming the true me than I had ever felt. And for the most part that was completely true. I struggled with being single and went back and forth on if I wanted to be single or not. I fell for someone that would never return those feelings back to me. I do have some resentment there not because the feelings weren't returned, but because the friendship kind of died not long after my admission. It showed me that everyone that wants the privilege of being called friend and seeing you cry is not worthy of such. I also spent some time hanging on to a past relationship. Letting love go is hard for me has always been that way. This one was very hard, even harder becau...

My dear future husband, I've been thinking lately. You know I haven't written anything to you in awhile. I think it was because writing you made me over eager to meet you. When you love someone before even meeting them it makes you anxious to meet them. It even makes you anxious to the point where you try to find that person in every guy you meet. I know for a fact that when I meet you I will just know who you are. There will be no guessing, no hope, it will just be you. I've been a little down lately. Not on everything just some things from my past. A particular person. I'm attached to them and I care about them and I would like to be completely over them with his and mines friendship still in tact. I don't know if that is possible. I pray that it is. I hope you to know that I don't think of you any less than I have previously. You are on my mind often; I pray for you. I know that God has created you perfectly for me, and I for you. I must admit it makes me ...