A Tiger and Her Stripes

You read the title correctly, it was not a mistake. I have a number of things going on in my life. My daily life that just has me exhausted. My thoughts run a mile a minute... Here is a sample of them written probably exactly how they apart in my head... Okay I'm awake man on have to pee thank you God for waking me up this morning I should really get up and go pee what time is it I have to be up in 30 go to the bathroom wake up kids give Jo his medicine book bags purse keys or the door pick up mommy work should I stop for breakfast I wonder if there are any houses or this way for rent I need to drive through this neighborhood one day and see Tasha must be at work already I really need to get this money order figured out and check my bank account to see how much is in there in driving so I can't do that I'll wait for a stop light crap it's not red long enough I'm sorry Jesus forgive me (says prayer) OK click in I hope they Low I still have to find a place to move to...

My eyes are heavy, slowly, I drift off to sleep.... Sliding the alarm to snooze on my phone I lie there on my side my eyes still closed. I groan when it goes off again five minutes later. "Why don't you just get up the first time?" I hear a male voice say sleepily beside me. My eyes fly open I didn't drink last night. I went to bed alone. No roofies were slipped into my water. My heart pounds loudly within my chest. "I know you're up." he's says turning to me. I find I can't breathe it's him. My future husband lying beside me. How did he get here? "Good morning, Are you okay?" he asks at my silence. "Good morning. I'm okay. How did you sleep?" I ask with a little more confidence than I had. "Doesn't matter how I slept, it only matters that God saw fit to wake me up this morning." he smiled at me. Although I wanted to kiss him I could only smile. Sitting up I found myself stretching wide. In sho...

Bible study was powerful tonight! We talked again about the beatitudes. The discussion came up about forgiveness and unresolved conflict. In trying to have a pure heart.  A friend and I fell out last year... one of many but the nail in the coffin so to speak. See the bad thing is that this started with a guy. I've played it out over and over again in my mind to see where I was wrong in what I asked. The situation was he said she said. I was not happy with either one of them and they both heard my mouth on the situation. So many factors played into why they didn't care for each other. Sigh- But I was convicted tonight to go and get some closure over this situation because the things said were just hurtful. I've apologized for my part in it multiple times actually and I think that is what bothers me. She's never once apologized for the hurtful things she said to me. Tonight she told me that she didn't think about it that it is what it is she's moved on from it an...

I've been thinking and have come to realize that something major is changing within me. I know this because I completely flipped out on an ex boyfriend of mine and said some things I should have said long ago. I was too afraid to say them because well I wasn't a girl who liked to burn her bridges I held on to possibilities. I'm not angry with him at all.  It just seemed as though I got to a point where I was ready to move forward and we seemed to just move backwards until we neither went forward or backward. I would like to get married again and I realized that I was settling waiting for a change that wouldn't come. He's a great guy,  but my guy. My future husband (not the one I used to talk about I mean he's the same one but well like I said he doesn't know I exist so I can't get to know him if I don't like tell him and talk to him you know)  but my future husband is a man that will say I'm not where I want to be but she accepts me as I am and e...

I have to start this with the dream I had last night. (4-18-2014) I had the strangest dream. I was at a restaurant waiting to see a performance. One guy who was sitting at the table next to me asked if he could move closer and they told him no so he asked them why. Well they ended up trying to fix the sound and a micro phone ended up close to me. I wouldn't say anything and it was because every time I spoke the crowd could hear me. So he asked me Again. I said something along the lines of. My words are not for the weak minded. My words bare a soul that not everyone is meant to hear or understand, they are the biggest part of me and I don't share that with everyone. He then proceeded to tell me that he knew me and called me by name asked me to meet him the next day at a park. It was a beautiful sunny day. He showed up and began to tell me that he's loved me for a long time. Again I tell him I don't know him and he doesn't know me. He pulls out a box with at least 7...

Jesus this hurts I don't want this pain I think of where I could be Should be And where I'm not Take it away Please let it stop This is why I don't give the real me The pain Is too much you see I don't feel in the surface I feel in my soul I don't give Charlene I don't give Nicole This one time Since him The one who got away I gave I gave Like him You didn't stay Oh but like him You see You didn't leave You stayed I stayed How could you not see So much more So much more I needed from you I tried so hard To ween myself off of you Jesus God Just help me sleep To awake Move on And find someone I can keep.

There was this psychological exercise I completed online. It gave this scenario You are walking in the woods and you can take one person with you. Who are you walking with... You come across an animal what is that animal? What action does the animal take? You Continue walking and you come to a house in the woods what does the house look like? Is it fenced in or no? you walk into the house and what do you see on the kitchen table? there is a cup on the table out in the garden what kind of cup is it what do you do with the cup you walk out the back door and there is a body of water what is the body of water Lake river stream pond? you have to cross that river how wet do you get in crossing the river?   With my most recent ex in mind I had a bunny rabbit show up as the animal and it just hopped merrily along I couldn't picture a house at all there was an open white picket fence and a foundation for a house and ever some erected timber but I couldn't picture ...