A Tiger and Her Stripes

6-26-2015 Gay Marriage became legal across the united states. I've seen post after post after post celebrating its legalization. I personally have mixed emotions about ruling. Here are my reasons why... I originally voted FOR the legalization of gay marriage. I remember the day I voted plain as day. I was getting ready to go vote and my mother looked at me and said remember to vote against it. I rolled my eyes and voted for it. I didn't really think that it would pass for Kentucky but I figured if they want to get married why not. Who am I to judge them if they want to get married it doesn't affect me... I was young stupid and I had personal reasons as to why I was for it at the time. I'm not old but it seems like a lifetime ago. Fast forward to today's (6-26-2015) ruling. I've felt unsettled since the ruling. I've seen so much. People happy about it people saying that's great what about legalizing being black in America and people completely ignoring i...

So I was listening to a sermon/discussion on iDisciple by June Hunt Called Discerning Your Spiritual Gift. I was enthralled with what she was talking about. I had heard about the spiritual gifts but I really didn't bother to look them up. I've actually been reading them in various books of the bible I have been studying lately. I cheated however and googled the ones that I could not find. I did find a website that described them to me very plainly.  http://christianity.about.com/od/holyspirittopicalstudy/a/spiritualgifts_2.htm June Hunt basically just said that to find out your spiritual gift take a look at the things that you have done in ministry and write down what it is that gave you the most joy and then compare that to the list of your spiritual gifts and do that. So I got my cheat sheet google and wrote on a piece of paper all of the spiritual gifts... there are way more than I knew about, but I wrote those down and I happily checked them off. I checked off t...

Here it is almost a month later to the day since I have last posted. The last month has been kind of hectic for me. I've had a few panic attacks over worrying about moving. Then actually moving and still in the process of moving actually. I've basically spent so much time in thought. The thing about it is, I've been blocking my blessing. All this time that I have spent thinking and thinking and thinking about what it is that I would like to do I have yet to actually just put it into motion. I can make the excuse that I don't know how to get started or what to do, but honestly its just as simple as opening my mouth and speaking. It's not because I'm afraid of the subject matter. I fear that I will say the wrong thing. I doubt myself because of the flaws that I deal with on a day to day basis currently. I feel like how can I witness to people when I myself still actively struggle with the things I feel a need to speak on.  When my cousin Melissa died it hurt but ...

You read the title correctly, it was not a mistake. I have a number of things going on in my life. My daily life that just has me exhausted. My thoughts run a mile a minute... Here is a sample of them written probably exactly how they apart in my head... Okay I'm awake man on have to pee thank you God for waking me up this morning I should really get up and go pee what time is it I have to be up in 30 go to the bathroom wake up kids give Jo his medicine book bags purse keys or the door pick up mommy work should I stop for breakfast I wonder if there are any houses or this way for rent I need to drive through this neighborhood one day and see Tasha must be at work already I really need to get this money order figured out and check my bank account to see how much is in there in driving so I can't do that I'll wait for a stop light crap it's not red long enough I'm sorry Jesus forgive me (says prayer) OK click in I hope they Low I still have to find a place to move to...

My eyes are heavy, slowly, I drift off to sleep.... Sliding the alarm to snooze on my phone I lie there on my side my eyes still closed. I groan when it goes off again five minutes later. "Why don't you just get up the first time?" I hear a male voice say sleepily beside me. My eyes fly open I didn't drink last night. I went to bed alone. No roofies were slipped into my water. My heart pounds loudly within my chest. "I know you're up." he's says turning to me. I find I can't breathe it's him. My future husband lying beside me. How did he get here? "Good morning, Are you okay?" he asks at my silence. "Good morning. I'm okay. How did you sleep?" I ask with a little more confidence than I had. "Doesn't matter how I slept, it only matters that God saw fit to wake me up this morning." he smiled at me. Although I wanted to kiss him I could only smile. Sitting up I found myself stretching wide. In sho...

Bible study was powerful tonight! We talked again about the beatitudes. The discussion came up about forgiveness and unresolved conflict. In trying to have a pure heart.  A friend and I fell out last year... one of many but the nail in the coffin so to speak. See the bad thing is that this started with a guy. I've played it out over and over again in my mind to see where I was wrong in what I asked. The situation was he said she said. I was not happy with either one of them and they both heard my mouth on the situation. So many factors played into why they didn't care for each other. Sigh- But I was convicted tonight to go and get some closure over this situation because the things said were just hurtful. I've apologized for my part in it multiple times actually and I think that is what bothers me. She's never once apologized for the hurtful things she said to me. Tonight she told me that she didn't think about it that it is what it is she's moved on from it an...

I've been thinking and have come to realize that something major is changing within me. I know this because I completely flipped out on an ex boyfriend of mine and said some things I should have said long ago. I was too afraid to say them because well I wasn't a girl who liked to burn her bridges I held on to possibilities. I'm not angry with him at all.  It just seemed as though I got to a point where I was ready to move forward and we seemed to just move backwards until we neither went forward or backward. I would like to get married again and I realized that I was settling waiting for a change that wouldn't come. He's a great guy,  but my guy. My future husband (not the one I used to talk about I mean he's the same one but well like I said he doesn't know I exist so I can't get to know him if I don't like tell him and talk to him you know)  but my future husband is a man that will say I'm not where I want to be but she accepts me as I am and e...